More Agents' Pet Peeves

Chuck Sambuchino is back with another serving of ways to tick off a literary agent (this time, worldwide). Remember, we already pointed you to similar content last month.

--Prunella

The Snobby Language Maven

I don’t live in my native country and, as such, I use a somewhat different form of English than the residents of my current home do. Nevertheless, we understand each other, without (too many) problems.

So I don’t appreciate it when people snobbily correct me and point out, “Here, we don’t say ‘X’, we say ‘Y.’” I mean, I like learning these things, but some people are just plain rude about it. One such person is a doctor I’ve seen a couple of times. I’ve seen him under bad circumstances, i.e. I’ve been sick and/or suffering. But each time I’ve met him, he has felt the need to make some comment about my English and how it is the wrong form of the language and how only his kind of English is correct.

Um, what? Has he never heard of different dialects? And, more importantly, does he think that a doctor’s office is really an appropriate place to criticize my grammar or word choices? What a snob!

--Curly

Where There’s Smoke…

Like a lot of young people, I’ve smoked. It’s a (bad) social habit and it can be quite pleasant, especially at coffee shops or clubs. Sometimes I miss it (especially those Indonesian cloves I used to enjoy – and yes, I know how bad they are, so there’s no need to tell me), but I know I am – and the people around me are – much better off without the smoking habit.

I wish people who smoked wouldn’t endanger the health of other people by smoking around them. Society is making some advances, such as by not allowing smoking in hospitals or other public buildings or within a certain distance of the doors to such buildings, but not enough, and many smokers seem to just ignore these rules anyway. I can’t even mention how many times I’ve seen smokers smoking by big, blatant non-smoking signs!

Please follow the rules and don’t smoke in non-smoking areas. Don’t make me breathe your second-hand smoke when I have the right to breathe clean, fresh air.

And confidential to my landlord: could you please stop smoking in the house and letting your cigarette smoke come upstairs? I’m not paying to live in second-hand smoke, am I?

--Curly

Artful Ranting

With apologies for the political content, I just have to applaud the deft and artful way George Sanders makes his point about certain language challenges in this week's New Yorker "Shouts and Murmurs" column.

--Prunella

The College Industry

I often think that in western countries, we put too much emphasis on college. We act like a college degree is a real necessity for life. Sure, in some professions, it is. But really, we have made it into an industry without thinking clearly about it.

In my opinion, we don’t value technical/mechanical jobs highly enough and we make people feel that they haven’t succeeded (or they can’t get a job) if they don’t have a BA. I was interested in this article, which suggests a system of certification as a replacement for some BA programs. This idea is a bit extreme, but I do think we need a significant overhaul of the college industry. Too many people are going and not getting much out of it when they could be working and/or contributing to society in other ways, and feeling better about themselves, too.

--Curly

Some of My Best Friends Are…

In a number of ways and in many situations, I’m a minority (i.e. I’m not a white, straight, Christian male). Sometimes I’m the “token” person of my type. That’s generally okay, but what I don’t like is when people get into that whole “I know someone like you and I really don’t mind your people” routine.

There’s a difference between trying to connect with someone and being patronizing. It can feel patronizing when someone says, “I don’t mind blacks/Jews/atheists/gays/whatever” or “I have friends who are Hispanic/bi/Muslim/etc.” It can also feel patronizing when people start listing the things they know, or think they know, about “your people”. It can also be patronizing when someone says, “Oh, let me introduce you to so-and-so. You’ll get along because you’re both foreigners/transgender/pagans/etc.”

You don’t have to prove how liberal or accepting you are. Sometimes by trying to prove that, you just end up proving the opposite; in other words, you make a fool of yourself and show how hyper-aware of differences you really are.

--Curly

Yo!

I’m all for informality with friends, but I confess to preferring a more mannered form of language in professional situations. Thus, I find it annoying when people say or write “Hey” or “Yo” or similar expressions in work environments.

I once had a student who sent me an email that started with “Yo chick!” After I saw that, he lost any respect I had for him (which wasn’t much anyway, as he had evidenced odd and unsuitable behavior at earlier times as well). Of course, I turned it into a teaching opportunity and we discussed appropriate, polite salutations, but I still couldn’t help but feel that a person who doesn’t understand why addressing a message to his or her teacher as “Dear Mr./Ms. X” is more appropriate than than “Yo chick” is not going to make a good impression on the professional world.

Yo, do you get what I’m saying?
--Curly

Shoes Are Not Optional

Yesterday I was in my apartment building elevator when, to my surprise, another tenant walked on bearing a pile of laundry destined for the common laundry room. I wasn't surprised that someone else had entered the elevator, or that he was evidently in the process of doing his laundry. What did shock me was that he walked onto the elevator barefoot.

That reminded me of a peeve dating back to my last writing retreat. All of the artists/writers met at the dining table three times a day for meals. One of the artists routinely showed up barefoot. I hated sitting next to him. I like to choose the people I share meals with barefoot. I don't like to have them make that decision for me.

--Prunella

Where’s the Dessert?

As a vegetarian, I naturally always order vegetarian meals for my flights. What I never understand is why the vegetarian meals come with vegetable spread instead of butter and why they so often have no dessert. First of all, I am not a vegan, so I do eat dairy products, and I think butter tastes so much better than some oil-based spread. And more importantly, do people think that just because I don’t eat meat I can’t possibly want a good dessert? Let me tell you, we vegetarians do enjoy the good things in life, including dessert; we just do it meat-free.

--Curly

Let’s Talk About Politics, Baby

Political views are very personal. An old chestnut has it that you shouldn’t discuss religion or politics with people.

So I never quite understand why some people immediately start to talk about politics, even if they don’t know you well. I find that this is especially the case if one of the people involved in the conversation is an American, as many then seem to automatically assume that the United States’ foreign policy is an excellent topic of discussion. Furthermore, many also seem to automatically assume that everyone shares the opinion that the U.S. is an awful place with stupid people and ridiculous policies.

It may be that everyone taking part in the discussion does actually think that way. But regardless of that, it doesn’t seem to be so polite or friendly to immediately start picking on someone’s homeland, particularly if that person has not first brought up the topic him- or herself. It can just lead to awkward conversations and hurt feelings.

--Curly