Insomnia, My Biggest Enemy

I am so peeved about my lack of skills in the art of sleeping. I’ve been this way for years (and I suspect there are certain reasons why this is the case) and I’ve been struggling with it for so long that now I am basically scared to go to bed at night. And obviously that doesn’t help matters, because I expect to sleep poorly and thus set myself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I seem to have tried nearly everything and nothing works. I’m exhausted. I can’t work well. And I don’t know what to do.

--Curly

Cashier, Not Inquisitor

I understand that perhaps working at a cash register is not the most enjoyable job out there (on a tangent, what *is* the most enjoyable job out there?), but that doesn’t mean check-out people should comment on customers’ purchases.

I routinely hear cashiers at the grocery story ask people buying wine either “Having a party, are you?” or “Have a bad day?” The customer often laughs uncomfortably. This kind of question seems rather awkward and inappropriate.

Meanwhile, I usually get comments about my purchases, because my shopping trolley is noticeably missing meat. Cashiers like to ask about my “vegetarian lifestyle” or tell me what I should eat, as though I need their input.

This isn’t just true of grocery stores, either. I get asked questions at other stores, too, such as whether what I am buying is a present (and no, they don’t always ask because they wonder about gift-wrapping) or what I am planning to do with the item. Why is it any of their business?

--Curly

The Look of Love: Commercial Crassness and Stereotypes

An obvious peeve is the commercial crassness of Valentine’s Day. We’re expected to buy cards, flowers, candy, and other gifts (generally decorated with hearts) for our loved ones once a year, but what I don’t get is why we don’t show people our love all the time and not just on a holiday that clearly is meant to offer a significant profit to certain industries. But it isn’t just the commerciality that bothers me; it’s also the stereotyping.

The other day, I was in a card shop, making a study of the cards available. First of all, nearly all the cards were designed for heterosexual couples. This was obvious because of the pictures of male and female people (or, once in awhile, animals, such as cats or bears, dressed in stereotypically male and female ways, with one cat in a skirt and the other wearing a tie) on the cards. So Valentine’s Day is a holiday for straight people.

Secondly, it was interesting to see how the cards used language. Cards addressed “to my husband” or “to my boyfriend” used terms such as “strong man,” “good father,” “faithful husband,” and “loving boyfriend.” Cards addressed “to my wife” or “to my girlfriend” were more likely to use words like “beautiful” and “sexy.” That is to say that women express their love for the men in their lives by praising what they do and how they do it, whereas men refer to their wives’ and girlfriends’ looks.

Is this what love is about?

--Curly

To Dye For

I am getting pretty tired of people “helpfully” suggesting that I color my hair in order to cover the gray. There are several annoying things about this.

One major issue I have with these suggestions is that they are unwelcome. I didn’t solicit advice about my appearance, and yet people often feel they have the right to offer it. Why don’t you mind your own business and take care of your own looks before criticizing mine?

Secondly, the advice these people proffer suggests there is something wrong with gray hair. What is wrong with gray hair exactly? Do I look old (and what is wrong with that, anyway) because I have some gray (actually white) strands? Do I look ugly? Why?

On my paternal side of the family, people go gray/white prematurely, and apparently I am following that pattern. Some of the people dye their hair and it looks awful and fake, especially past a certain age. I have no urge to look like I’ve been pouring shoe polish on my head. Also, it isn’t healthy for your hair and I am not eager to dry out or damage my locks.

So thanks for the unwanted advice, but I think I’ll take a pass on the dye.

--Curly

Thirtynothing

I'm not exactly up on pop music, nor am I generally a fan of pop, but I can't resist agreeing with some of the peevish sentiment's in Lily Allen's 22 (you can watch the video online).

There are two main points. One is that once you reach thirty, your life is over, especially if you're a woman (Blur, an all-male group, claims that what is more likely is that "the mind gets dirty as you get closer to thirty" -- you can watch a video for this song online, too). As I approached thirty, I was certainly warned about what this new decade would entail, and the predictions were dire. Is thirty really the end of the best part of a person's life? I don't think so!

The other peeve in Lily Allen's song is about how a woman is waiting for a man to "pick[s] her up and put[s] her over his shoulder," i.e. to be the one to change her life, fix her problems, and take care of her. This is the message from society, too.

In other words, as we women approach thirty, we had better hope we find a man to ensure that our life doesn't get very depressing and hopeless.

--Curly

Why I Will No Longer Write for a Certain Publication

1) It's sloppy. Each issue contains numerous formatting inconsistencies, plus spelling errors (including repeated misspellings of my own name).
2) It's unpredictable. I've asked the editor for an editorial/publishing calendar numerous times. Doesn't seem to exist.
3) Its Web site is out-of-date.
4) Despite multiple requests--one of which was actually acknowledged by return e-mail-- I seem unable to obtain a contributor's copy of the issue containing my last (as in most recent, as well as final) piece. Never mind my subscription copy.
5) I can't seem to script an e-mail to the editor these days without waves of irritation and annoyance washing over me.

What factors can make you swear off writing for a particular publication?

--Prunella

This is Reality?

I don’t usually watch reality tv shows, but as a break, I was looking at one not long ago that featured dance routines, and I was disturbed to see how the women were scarcely clad and were shaking their bodies seductively, whereas the men relied on their talent (or lack thereof). Again, what is about women’s bodies being public property? Why do we feel we can look at women (wearing what amounted to little more than g-strings and tight tops), dancing around and giggling and smiling and flipping their long locks and shimmying their bodies, whereas we expect men to perform and show their strength and skills (and, possibly, to do it all with a shirt half-unbuttoned, their muscular, hairy chests somewhat on display)?

A reflection of reality indeed!

--Curly

Money Talks, Non-Gratitude Walks

I have complained about this before, but I must mention again how many emails I get from people asking for help. I often do help people and then I am rarely thanked for my time and effort.

I complained about this and someone told me she started a consulting business, so now people have to pay her if they want this kind of help. Perhaps money will talk, since apparently gratitude doesn’t.

--Curly

Forward: Untrue “Facts”

Related to my last point about stupid forwards, I would like to complain about untrue ones. Yes, there are sites like Snopes, where you can check if a certain item is really dangerous for your health or if a celebrity really has such a low IQ or whatever, but why should I have to check facts and then correct you? I have several times sent emails back to people, refuting their “facts” and suggesting they send an explanatory message to everyone they sent their original forward to, and really this is a waste of time and energy.

So if you are going to send a forward containing “facts,” get your facts straight first!

--Curly

Forward: Re: Forward: Forward: Stupid

We all have limited time, so why do people like to waste time (both mine and theirs) by reading and then forwarding stupid emails? How nice that you think women are phenomenal, that you consider me a friend, that you laugh at stereotyped jokes about men and women, that you want everyone to be aware of strange people who might be hiding in the back seat of cars, that you find statistics about which ethnic groups won Nobel Prizes interesting, that you would like to consider whether Jesus was black or Jewish (or perhaps non-existent), and so on, but why do I have to think about such things (especially when I’ve already seen each message many times!)?

It is a waste of my time to have to look through the email, decide whether I want to read it or not, and then delete it. So please stop sending the same lame, dull, and useless emails over and over again!

--Curly