Annoying and Awkward

When I was assaulted, I was so ashamed, as I mentioned in my last post, and that made me not sure if I should tell anyone. Finally, I told a couple of close friends by email. Most sent back only a sentence or two in response, saying that the situation must have been “annoying” or “awkward”, and then they proceeded to tell me what was going on in their lives.

It’s annoying when you order one dish at a restaurant and instead are given another one. It’s awkward when you try to make a joke and no one laughs. It’s not annoying or awkward when someone sexually assaults you. It is disgusting. It is upsetting. It is humiliating. It is wrong. It is traumatizing. It is many things. But awkward or annoying are not words I’d use to describe it.

What kind of response is that to give to a friend who has been hurt in this way and who has chosen to share it with you?

--Curly

Help! Anybody? Anybody?

I didn’t know where to turn to when I was assaulted. I was ashamed (why I felt so disgusted by and ashamed of myself when I was the victim although I didn’t feel that way when, for example, I was robbed is a different, but interesting topic) and scared and I was in a foreign country where I couldn’t speak the language and where my English didn’t get me very far. I tentatively tried to talk to a few people, to try to figure out what to do and how to handle this situation, but no one seemed interested or willing to help. That just increased my feeling of being alone and helpless. Why did no one want to help me?

--Curly

No Means No

As I mentioned in my last post, I was sexually assaulted on a trip not that long ago. It didn’t happen once or even twice. No, it happened three times over the course of two days, because the man in question unfortunately managed to find me even after I’d run off. There are so many things I’d like to say about this event, but the obvious first one is that if someone says no, it means no. It is not an invitation to tighten your grip on the person and touch him/her where s/he says s/he doesn’t want to be touched. And then later, don’t complain that you can’t control yourself. You can, you just chose not to. Think about the word no. It doesn’t mean yes.

--Curly

When Everything Goes Wrong

On a recent vacation, just about everything that could go wrong did (except for robbery, but don’t worry, I already experienced that on another trip). There were delays (see my last post), heating didn’t work, there was no good food or, to be more precise, no good food for vegetarians, I got stuck in several major rainstorms that hampered my sight-seeing opportunities, and, worst of all, I was sexually assaulted. More on that last one in the near future but for now, let me just whine and rant at my bad fortune.

--Curly

Information, Please

It is super annoying when you’re on a train or plane or other type of transportation and there is a delay, but no one bothers to tell you what is causing the problem and how long the delay is expected to last. When the delay is very long, one would like to think there might be apologies along with the explanations and that perhaps customers might be offered some food to tide them over or the use of a telephone, in case they need to reach anyone who might be waiting for them at the end of the journey.

--Curly

Atheist Jew

I have complained on this blog before about religious people and their lack of understanding for atheists. I find this is especially challenging for people because I identify myself as an atheist Jew. This means that I don't believe in a god but that I do feel a connection to my Jewish background and that I choose to perpetuate this connection even if I don't believe in all the aspects of the Jewish religion. I was glad to see that there are others who think the same way I do and I hope we'll be able to teach others about our beliefs, or, more accurately, our lack thereof.

--Curly

Androphobes

Some of my lesbian friends tell me that they often have to deal with the assumption that they are man-haters. How hard is to understand that just because a woman is attracted to other women doesn't mean that she hates men? No one assumes that if a woman is heterosexual she must hate other women, right? And similarly, people don't seem to make such assumptions about men, whether gay, straight, bi, or other. Sure, there have been some lesbian separatists who prefer not to socialise with or live near or have any other real connection with men. But most lesbians are not man-haters.

--Curly

Reading for Ranters: 11,002 Things to be Miserable About

Imagine Prunella's interest upon discovering a new book: 11,002 Things to Be Miserable About, by the sibling pair of Lia Romeo and Nick Romeo. Even better, the authors have a Web site, where you can sign up to receive a message about the "miserable thing of the day."

--Prunella

One Reason I Left Full-time Teaching

So it wasn't just my imagination. The maddening sense of entitlement--sheer entitlement to high grades--which so many of my students seemed to bring to my classrooms when I began teaching really was the start of something. Something infinitely more insidious than anything I'd seen among my own undergraduate cohort a decade earlier. I thank The New York Times for exposing "student expectations" as the source of the problem.

--Prunella

Scarf Face

Related to my last post about Israel, I want to mention my annoyance at people wearing "Palestine scarves". You know, the keffiyeh that Yasser Arafat often wore. It's become both a trend and a political statement to wear one and many young Westerners wear it in solidarity with Arabs, even though they frequently can't clearly state what it is supposed to represent or why they support only Arabs and not peace in general, for all of those in the Middle East.

--Curly