A Holiday Gift from Peeves and Rants

Given that this is the holiday season, it seems appropriate to share this peevish, rant-filled treat with all of you. Enjoy!

--Prunella Peeve

The Grinch Returns

I’m glad Christmas is almost over, because I’m sick of Christmas carols, Christmas cards, Christmas shopping, Christmas food, and the Christmas spirit in general. This forced joviality gets tiresome. And even though people talk about how this season is about charity and happiness and all that, it seems like it’s just about commerciality and money to me.

Bad Food, Bad News

Speaking of large people, as I did in the last post, what about all the unhealthy food out there? I know it’s our own responsibility to eat well, but I can imagine it could be tempting for some people (not me) that there are McDonald’s and Kentucky Fried Chicken and Burger King and other such chains all over the place. There’s even a KFC across the street from my gym. When did we get so unhealthy? How come so many people eat at these disgusting places?

Also, why is there such a preponderance of prepackaged food? Don’t people cook from scratch anymore? All that ready-to-eat food and all those tv meals are so unhealthy. No wonder we’re all getting so large we need two seats on planes or buses.

--Curly

Move Over, I’m Squashed

Okay, maybe this is just rude of me, but I do get annoyed by fat people on airplanes, trains, or buses. I think very large people should pay for two seats, because if they only have one, and you’re the poor person stuck next to them, you get squeezed and it’s quite uncomfortable. I know some people have health problems that make them gain weight, but nevertheless, the rest of us shouldn’t have to suffer for it.

--Curly

Use It or Lose It

At the gym, some people seem to spend more time socializing than working out. And when they socialize, they stand around the equipment, blocking the way so others can’t use it. Other people sit on a weight machine or a stand on a treadmill, reading a newspaper or book rather than actually using the machine.

It is so annoying to be waiting for a machine and to watch as someone takes his time having a conversation while still sitting there, but not working out. And if you ask them politely if they are done, you get a glare back and the comment, “I’m not through yet.”

Use the machine or get off it. It’s really inconsiderate.

--Curly

The Feminist Backlash

In my last post, I mentioned how a lot of people still seem to be against being unionized. This makes me think of how so many of my younger students are against feminism. They proudly state that they don’t need feminism. Some of them, especially the women, even go so far as to say that they don’t want to be associated with intellectuals or with lesbians or with man-hating, as though all feminists are those things. A number of my female students say they want to wear short dresses and make-up and find men so they can be stay-at-home parents, and they claim that feminism has nothing to offer them. Except, obviously, they wouldn’t be at university without the work early feminists did to demand equality for women, and they wouldn’t be in a position to choose what to wear or how to live without feminism. They’d simply be expected to be pretty housewives rather than being empowered to make that choice.

What has caused this feminist backlash? We still have imparity in the world, and feminism is about challenging and fixing inequity. I try to explain this to my students, but they seem to think the world – or at least their narrow area of it – is completely fair now, and that there is nothing more to fight for. And they certainly don’t want any part of feminism.

--Curly

Union Man

I’m in the union at my job. I think it’s important to make sure we are all treated fairly. But quite a few of my colleagues aren’t in the union and act as though it’s a strange concept. In fact, one colleague (admittedly a difficult one anyway) mocked me for being in the union and for being a union rep.

How can anyone think being unionized is wrong?

--Curly

All My Exes Live in Texas…

This is not so much a rant as a quandary – how much contact is it good to have with one’s exes? Is it better to cut them off completely? My problem with that is that these people were once important to us, so shouldn’t we try to preserve whatever we can of the relationship instead of losing it completely? But then if we do, how much should we tell each other about our lives, including current relationships? It’s hard to renegotiate those boundaries and to move back to being friends from being lovers who shared everything.

For example, I think it’s courteous to tell the most recent exes that we are seeing someone new, and I have done that, but then I haven’t received the same courtesy back and instead found out via a mutual friend. So what’s the right protocol?

These days, I lean more towards to minimal contact side of things. What do others think? Should our exes stay in Texas?

--Curly

Sick Students

Sometimes I complain about students skipping class, but now I must complain about those who come to class even when sick. It’s great that they show dedication, but then they cough and sneeze all over me and their fellow students. I’ve been sick since the beginning of the term, primarily because of my students and all their germs. I get over one cold and then get a different one.

Stay home if sick!

--Curly

Good in Bed

Why do so many men seem to think they can turn lesbians straight? I wish I got money for every time a man claimed that all a gay woman needed was a good fuck and that he was just the man to offer that service; I’d be rich now if I’d been collecting.

I know lots of men find female sexuality (whether straight, bi, or gay) threatening. And I also know plenty of people – male or female – who want to believe they are so good in bed they can “convert” another person’s sexuality. So together these feelings and beliefs are a bad combination that leads men to believe that women couldn’t possibly prefer (or enjoy in addition) sleeping with women instead of men.

But it is tiresome to hear such a stupid comment. Face it: you’re probably not all that good in bed anyway, and even if a straight woman would have you, a bi or gay women could do better. You’re not converting anyone.

--Curly

Don’t Text and Drive

The subject line of this post says it all. It isn’t safe to text and drive. So just don’t! You are making the road less safe for yourself and others.

University is for Socializing, not Studying

The new semester is under way and I’m already getting annoyed with my students. They get a clear time-table listing the hours of class, and they receive a detail syllabus too, with info about when class is and where, and what they need to do in preparation for each class.

And yet the students feel the need to email me to ask when and where class is and whether they need to attend. Some even say they have other plans. I do know they have to work, although one would think they’d arrange their work schedules around class. But sometimes they admit these plans are social.

Are they are university to socialize or to study? Why should I have to explain over and over again that if class is listed as being from 9-12 or 1-3 or whatever it is that is when students need to come? Is it that hard to understand?

--Curly

Prunella Lives!

I apologize profusely--especially to my cherished comrade Curly--for my absence. I am glad to see that Curly has been keeping the blog alive and lively.

I can't promise that my appalling lack of posts will be changing anytime soon, but I will make an effort to appear here more regularly!

--Prunella

Ranting about Vegetarian Meals

Continuing with the vegetarian theme from the last post, I wonder why nearly all vegetarian meals at restaurants:

1. prominently feature mushrooms or peppers or both,

2. are pasta-based,

and

3. include no real protein.

Do people give no real thought to vegetarians? Not all vegetarians like mushrooms or peppers, want pasta, or happy to be protein-free. Just like carnivores, we deserve healthy, well-balanced, varied meals.

--Curly

Meat Products for Vegetarians

I always order a vegetarian meal on plane rides. Luckily, I also always read lists of ingredients rather than rely on what the airplane (or any other company, or any person, for that matter) claims is vegetarian.

On a recent flight, I was given a "vegetarian" breakfast, where the yogurt contained gelatin. Gelatin, of course, is made from animals, and is thus not suitable for vegetarians (or for people who keep kosher). I'm so glad I didn't eat this item before reading the back of the carton, but I'm sure lots of other people on the flight simply ate the yogurt.

I mentioned it to the steward and he shrugged and brought me some fruit. He didn't bother to notify any of the other vegetarians.

I complained to the airline (KLM) and they said it was not their responsibility, since they use a catering company. Well, they hire that company, so I'd say it is their responsibility. KLM really disappointed me. The representative who wrote back simply said they were "sorry [I] didn't like the meal." It has nothing to do with liking it. People are vegetarians for ethical, health, and/or religious reasons, and a vegetarian meal must respect and be truly vegetarian.

--Curly

Giving the (Ring) Finger

While getting my nails manicured, the manicurist noticed a ring on my left ring finger. It was a silver band, engraved with the name of my alma mater. The manicurist asked me if I was married. I told her I was not.

She then asked why I wore a ring on that finger. She proceeded to explain that if men saw a ring on my finger, they would not ask me, and thus, "You will never get married! Don't wear a ring there!"

Um, okay. First of all, it is none of her business what my marital status is or what I wear and where I wear it. Second, I don't like her assumption that I must want a husband. Not everyone does, not even taking into account matters of sexuality.

I would have liked to give her the (ring) finger!

--Curly

The Hunt is On

I really can’t understand why people enjoy hunting and why this is a legal practice. What is the pleasure in stalking and shooting and aiming to kill other living creatures? How is this a pastime for supposedly reasonable people?

It seems to me to be a cruel activity. We would never accept people chasing after other humans with weapons and trying to injure them, so why do we accept it when people do this to animals?

--Curly

The Idiot Box

I don’t have a tv, but sometimes I see programs at other people’s homes or I just hear about shows from their fervent fans. And I have to think that “idiot box” is an excellent name for the tube. I’m dismayed by the low level of the shows and the way people invest so deeply in what happens in them.

Do people really have nothing better to do than to glue themselves to the sofa and stare at the small screen for hours a day? How about spending time with friends or relatives, getting exercise, reading a book, doing some work, doing crafts, etc?

Why is tv use so prevalent?

--Curly

Used and Discarded

I’ve talked about how people rarely thank others for help provided. Occasionally it happens and then I feel surprised and it makes me want to continue to give advice and help to other people (who then disappoint me by not thanking me).

Once again, though, I spent a lot of time helping someone (in this case, someone I’d known well for years with something she could have discovered herself by doing just a bit of research, even via Google, and also, she has much more free time than I do), and she responded by not contacting me for a long time and then never thanking me for the help or showing interest in how I’d been doing in the meantime (a period when I’d had surgery and lost a family member).

Sometimes I don’t know why I bother.

--Curly

Jesus Isn’t Welcome Here

I’ve complained before about people wishing even non-Christians a Merry Christmas. I recently had occasion to realize once again how deeply Christian sentiments imbue our society.

When there was a death in the family, some people – who, I must admit, were kind enough to want to make a gesture of some sort – said that God had called the late relative home, and made other comments along those lines. I could accept that, even though I’m an atheist. But some people who were clearly aware that our family is not Christian, sent religious messages, talking about Jesus. And that, I felt, was beyond what was appropriate. And verses from the New Testament were also unwelcome.

How hard is it to remember that religious belief is a very private thing and that you should keep it to yourself, especially during what is a difficult time for someone else?

--Curly

Anti-Anti-Pride

It’s Pride season, which means it’s also pride-protester season. Among the protesters and to varying degrees of vocalness, there are a number of types. For example, there are the usual religious fanatics who are anti-queer (and I can’t be bothered to argue with their stupidity at the moment), and then there are the fairly queer-friendly, or at least queer-accepting, folks who just don’t see a point in pride.

“Be gay, fine. But why do you have to be all out and loud and proud about it?” they ask.

If society pressures people to be heterosexual and yet someone manages to be true to him- or herself anyway and to live a homosexual or bisexual life, that person deserves to feel some pride in his/her strength. It’s incredibly hard for many to go against societal and familial demands, and to be themselves.

“But why don’t we get heterosexual pride parades?” the same fairly queer-accepting people ask.

Every day celebrates heterosexual pride! Every day, heterosexual couples can go about their lives, holding hands in public, kissing in the streets, sharing romantic meals, visiting each other in the hospital, picking up their children from school, getting equal rights everywhere and at all times, and so much more. So is one day to celebrate homosexual and bisexual couples too much to ask?

I’m anti these anti-pride-protesters.

--Curly

Family Feud

It’s true that we don’t choose our families, and often they are people we wouldn’t necessarily want to be friends with and/or have little in common with, but we’re generally stuck with them anyway (unless we cut off contact, which is extreme, but sometimes the only possible way forward).

There are good things about my relatives, but there have been a number of stressful family situations over the years, and although I love them, I can’t say it is easy or relaxing to spend time with them. So while I’m looking forward to seeing them next month, I am also beginning to feel a sense of unease about it. I wish family members could accept us for who we are, even if we are different than they would have liked. In general, if we all just took people for who they are, rather than being disappointed that they are different than we had planned or hoped for, we would have fewer feuds and fewer stressful and upsetting family visits.

--Curly

Priceless

Prices keep going up, but I am getting no salary increase this year to match the higher cost of living. This has to do with where I work and how it is funded, but nevertheless, it is annoying to see how I retain less and less of what I work very hard to earn.

--Curly

Unfayre

There are two things I dislike about summer fairs. First of all, they are often spelled “fayre,” which is supposed to convey a sense of old-fashioned, innocent, good-old-days fun. Second, you are then expected to have fun there, and it ends up feeling forced and stressful. Unfayre and not fun!

--Curly

Hairy and Scary

Why is there the assumption that women must shave their legs and armpits and bikini areas? Why do people tend to find it so offensive if a woman dares to wear shorts or a skirt and has hairy legs? Is it so threatening to our natural order?

It’s such a waste of time to shave, and of course the various bits of paraphernalia we need or the services we pay for when shaving or waxing or getting electrolysis or whatever else can get quite expensive. And when the hair is growing back, it feels rough and can be scratchy or itchy.

Personally, I have better things to do with my time. I still feel a bit uncomfortable when wearing a skirt, even if I’m also wearing tights or pantyhose over my legs, but I know that’s just due to my socialization, and I am trying to overcome it. But I don’t appreciate friends or relatives or lovers making negative comments about my body hair; it just doesn’t seem to be any of their business, and it can also be rather sad to hear how everyone in our society has bought into the idea of a hair-free woman being the ideal.

--Curly

Independence Day

In the spirit of Independence Day in the U.S., I’m thinking of things in my life I wish I could (or wish I had the energy/strength/courage to) divest myself of. I feel weighed down by objects, for example. I don’t like owning tchotchkes and though I appreciate when people give me presents, I also tend to think that now I’ll have yet another thing to dust and to move around on my peripatetic lifestyle.

Also, I seem to have collected a lot of acquaintances. I guess that’s what happens over a life, but there are so many people who demand a lot of me (or at least demand much more than they give), and that’s so draining. I try to be a good friend and to listen to others and to support them when they need me, but I don’t always feel I get that in return.

Sometimes I think I’d to get rid of some of the excess stuff and the excess people in my life.

--Curly

Extra Extra

Have you ever noticed that when you make a purchase, the salespeople try to talk you into buying all sorts of extras you really don’t need? They waste our time with a whole spiel (and yes, they are required to do it, and you could feel sorry for them, in some small way) and then seem personally affronted when you politely say no. They often try to talk you into it, even when you have said no. In my freelance work, I don’t try to sell more than what the customers want or need. They tell me what the project is and I give them prices and delivery dates. End of story. Why can’t it be that way when you make purchases in other situations?

--Curly

You Haven’t Come a Long Way, Baby

This may turn into an annual rant, but I am getting really tired of the baby stuff. I work in academia, and you’d think that the relatively career-focused and relatively liberal people there would be a bit more thoughtful. Instead, they continue to talk up the joys of parenthood and they encourage me to try it out, too. And in the meantime, they give childless me plenty of work they don’t want to do or can’t do due to their childcare commitments.

Enough with the baby nonsense already! Don’t punish me for not having kids and don’t assume I ought to or want to have them myself.

--Curly

Work Doesn’t Do a Body Good

This is such a boring rant, but my work is stressing me out beyond belief. I have one particularly difficult colleague who doesn’t seem to like me and who makes things difficult for me. And I also have an awful lot of work to do. Some days I wish things were different at work, even though ultimately I know I’m lucky to have the job I do.

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 6

I thought I would take a break from ranting about students, but as the summer is getting on and students are looking for jobs and/or are applying for the next level of education, I have more to rant about.

Some students tell you they’ve used you as a reference after the fact; i.e., they casually mention that they’ve put you down as a reference after they’ve already submitted their applications. Some don’t even tell you that much, so that sometimes you end up getting asked questions about a student or asked for a reference and you aren’t prepared for it at all.

If you are going to use someone as a reference, I think you should ask for permission first. Then, with the person’s approval, list his/her contact details, not before.

--Curly

P-U, Part 2

Besides people's body odors, I also am not fond of strong food smells. It is awful to get on a plane or train and to realise someone has brought along hamburgers and fries or fried chicken or bacon sandwiches or other greasy and strongly-scented food. There I am, stuck in a close compartment with smells that nauseate me.

I know people are hungry, but I guess, as with many other things, I wish we would all show more consideration towards others. Keeping ourselves fresh and not intruding upon other people with smells (or sounds or other behaviors) doesn't seem like too much to ask.

Sidewalks as Ashtrays (and Toilets)

Why am I so unaccountably pleased when someone else rants about something peeve-worthy that annoys me, too? In this case, The New York Times has just run a "Complaint Box" piece that focuses on lax disposal of cigarette butts. I agree with the writer. But what makes me even happier are the column's comments, many of which articulate some of my own primary peeves as a city-dweller. I'm talking about how much I hate sharing the sidewalks with dogs who are using said sidewalk as a toilet/urinal, and how much I despise having to inhale cigarette smoke while strolling from place A to place B because someone else must walk-and-smoke at the same time. I guess misery really does love company!

--Prunella Peeve

P-U!

I'm oversensitive, I know, but I really can't stand strong smells, especially when they are emanating from people.

There seems to be a number of people for whom showering is optional. Ugh. Not long ago, I had to contend with a visitor to my home who had unbelievably smelly feet, and who put said feet on my sofa. I was close to passing out from the stench.

And then there are also many people who wear strong perfumes or aftershaves, which can also be quite unpleasant and headache-inducing.

Please shower regularly and please don't overwhelm others with strong smells!

--Curly

Raving about Students

The term is nearly over now, and there’s just marking left to do, so I will stop ranting about students for the time-being (I’ll have some more rants in the next semester!). Instead, I will point out that a lot of undergraduates are going through many major life changes, and I see it as part of my job to help widen their perspectives and to offer them support. So I’ll close this series of ranting posts about students on a positive note by saying that some of my students have really impressed me this year with their dedication to their work and their willingness to be exposed to new ideas.

In a couple of my classes, the students started off with some extremely naïve, occasionally even prejudiced, views. By the end of the semester, they were looking at and discussing topics in a very different manner. I was quite pleased with their progress. And seeing students really get something is what teaching is all about, and hopefully it’s part of what attending university is about for them too.

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 5

As the weather gets warmer, my students get more and more undressed. I am looking out my office window as I type this, and I’m surprised by the states of underdress, nearing undress, that I see. There are guys without their shirts on (women couldn’t get away with that). There are girls in skirts so short I could probably see their thongs if I squinted. There are bare legs and bare toes. There are sweaty armpits and there are tattoos and piercings that are in locations rather more intimate than I expected to see. Is university really the right place for such fashions (or, rather, for such lack of fashions)? Or am I just too curmudgeonly?

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 4

Something odd happened one week in one of my classes. None of the male students turned up (see my earlier post about them having better things to do than attend class!), and the students who were there suddenly spoke much more and seemed significantly more confident. The discussion was livelier than usual and the students appeared to be having a lot of fun.

This is to say that on a day when there were only women in the room, the class was better. At the end of the seminar, I mentioned the fact that the ladies had been more talkative when no guys were around. The women looked guiltily at each other and finally one said that they didn’t talk as much when the entire group was there because they didn’t want the men to think they were “feminists.” The others concurred and said that if they monopolized the discussion, or even just contributed to it more, the male students would think bad things about them. In other words, women attending a selective university are still afraid to speak up, lest men find them less attractive for doing so.

There’s something wrong with this, isn’t there? How can we change it?

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 3

I’ve complained about texting-style language before, but it also is relevant to my spate of student-related peeves. Students should not be sending me emails in text format, such as “Can u rmnd me of hmwrk? Thanx!” I also find it a bit strange when they sign their emails with kisses. Informality is fine, but only up to a point.

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 2

In my last post, I ranted about students and their seeming problems with time. This issue doesn’t stop with them being unable (or unwilling) to turn their work in by the due date. Sometimes they simply don’t have the time to come to class prepared (i.e. having done the work required in order to participate). And sometimes they simply don’t have the time to come to class at all.

Students only have a few hours of class a week (generally 8 or so in my literature department). That leaves plenty of time for partying (and, ideally, for doing work), but I guess the remaining 160 hours are just not enough, so students feel the need to skip class as well.

Obviously, if someone is truly sick, he or she should not come to class. But I’ve had students claim to be sick and then, just a few hours later, I see them drinking and dancing at the pub on campus. They can’t have been too sick in that case, so clearly they just didn’t feel like spending an hour or two in class.

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 1

As a university lecturer, I experience peeves very frequently, perhaps more frequently than I ought to. In the next few posts, I’ll explore a few of the ones related to my students.

A big annoyance is students not turning work in on time. In two of my classes, the students had a weekly assignment. It was always due on the same day of the week, at the same time, and in the same location. And yet, over and over again, I was getting assignments late (sometimes even an entire day late) and in the wrong place (by email, for example, or slipped under my door versus put into my pigeon hole). How many times did I have to remind them about the due date?

And what about essays and other larger assignments that they have been informed about weeks, even months, in advance? Students might complain they didn’t know about the assignments (even if they were listed on the syllabus) or that they couldn’t find a printer or that they couldn’t get access to the materials they needed. All of these excuses are, frankly, unacceptable. Maybe I sound overly strict, but I do think that if the students have been informed about due dates in advance, they should find a way of managing to get the work in on time.

--Curly

Big Women with Little Voices

What’s with grown-up women who purposefully speak with high-pitched voices? Do they think it makes them sound sweeter, cuter, more vulnerable, more innocent, more girlish, whatever? And, if so, why’s that appealing?

I’ve heard quite a few women who seem to choose to talk in girlish tones, particularly when men are around, that are clearly not their natural voices. And I just don’t get it. It seems to be an attempt to attract men, by making the women seem reedy and needy.

--Curly

Information, Please

Well, back to matters related to writing and publishing...

I'm pretty picky about the writing contests I enter. But unfortunately, it's difficult to know beforehand how a journal, publisher, or organization is going to (mis)handle one key aspect of contest management: notification of contest results.

It really peeves me when I find out the results of a competition only when the organizer deigns to mention them on a blog--and only because I regularly check that blog. This is, in fact, how, just today, I discovered the outcome of a competition to which I submitted my work (and an entry fee) more than four months ago. Apparently, the results were made public online about a week ago.

Never mind that the organizers have my e-mail address (entries and fees were submitted online). Never mind that, when the organizers recently posted an announcement on a discussion board calling for submissions to ANOTHER of their contests, I wrote to inquire about this one (no one replied). It's irritating that they couldn't be bothered to let me know when to expect an announcement, let alone to inform me of the results directly.

I assure you that this is not a matter of sour grapes. Sure, I'd be happier if I'd won or placed in the contest that sparked this particular post. But one thing is certain: I will never submit to these organizers' contests again.

--Prunella Peeve

Phallophobia

I’ve just spent two posts complaining about penises, and that brings me to another rant: the idea that all feminists are boring, cranky, man-haters. I am a feminist (and I can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be, since feminism is, in my opinion, about equal rights for everyone), but I’m not a man-hater (I am cranky and I can’t comment on whether I am boring). Why would I hate men? I dislike the power they have traditionally had and I am angry about some of the ways they have used and abused that power, but that doesn’t make me categorically hate them.

There are surely some misandrist feminists, just as there are misogynistic men, but I would guess that most feminists are not. So let’s get rid of that stereotype (while also getting rid of all the phallus statues and the way men touch themselves constantly!).

--Curly

The Monumental Phallus

To continue my penis-related theme from the last post, I can just point out how many statues and monuments are phallus-shaped. Why is that? Is there something Freudian that I ought to be analyzing? I can’t really imagine anyone building a vulva-shaped monument, and that makes me wonder what is really going on here (and don’t worry, I won’t go on a long rant about male supremacy and power). Don’t other people ever get tired of looking at these large, erect concrete penises?

--Curly

When I Think About You, I Don’t Touch Myself

I can’t be the only one who gets a bit disgusted by the way men are always touching (oh, excuse me, I meant “adjusting”) themselves. When I teach, I see male students reaching into their jeans. When I’ve attended lectures or workshops, I’ve seen the leaders scratching or tugging as they speak. When I’m on the bus, at a movie, in a restaurant, listening to a concert, or anywhere else, I see men busy rubbing, fixing, patting, or otherwise touching their genital areas.

Now I know I’m not a man, so I don’t know how uncomfortable or hot or itchy or whatever else it can be to have a penis hanging between my legs. I’ve been told that I’m too hard (so to speak) on men and that I just don’t understand what it’s like. That may be true, but is it too much to ask for men to go somewhere private if they are going to touch their privates? And could they wash their hands when finished? I’m not keen on the idea of shaking hands with someone who was just shaking his penis.

Maybe my ideas of etiquette are too strict, but I guess I don’t believe that men truly have reason to be touching themselves in public.

--Curly

Texting, Texting, 1, 2, 3

Ah, text speak! That's the short abbreviations and sloppy mannerisms people employ when their word count is strictly limited (unlike on a blog, natch). That’s fine when you’re texting, I suppose, even though I still prefer a slightly more formal style, but it is definitely not fine in: emails, letters, essays, articles, and other more serious venues. I really dislike getting messages from students or friends in “text type,” because it suggests carelessness. And I know I’m not the only one who would judge potential partners on their language skills, which means I tend to run from people who message or email me with a sentence like, “U r cute. How r u? I’m tired. LOL!”

No, I’m not laughing out loud at your text speak; instead I’m wishing you could take the time to write a proper sentence. Call me curmudgeonly, but there it is.

--Curly

The Dish Ran Away with the Soap

I’m disturbed by the way people wash dishes in the country where I live. They fill up the sink with soapy water, move the dishes around in there for awhile, and then take the dishes out and leave them to try. In other words, dirty dishes sit in dirty water and then aren’t even rinsed off.

I’ve been so many places where the dishes are somewhat dirty and have a soapy taste. I can’t be the only one to think that this is not the best way to wash dishes!

--Curly

Property Mismanagement

I moved into my current place in October. I found then that one of the toilet seats was not put on properly, so I complained about it. It’s March and I’m still waiting for someone to come fix it! When I complained yet again, I was told to fix it myself! How is this “customer service” and “property management”?

--Curly

Managing to Write with Children Around

Yes, I'm back. I know my presence has been missed. But today is your lucky day--two peeves in one post!

Peeve #1: All the writers out there whining about how hard it is to write when they're raising children. For some reason, the stay-at-home parents whose children are in school all day (all day, when the rest of us are at the office and unable to pursue our own writing, as it happens) are among the worst offenders here. It's too hard to write when you're raising children and keeping a home. There are so many errands and carpools to manage! You have to prepare dinner. Etc. Well, some of us have to manage our own households, prepare our own meals, AND devote at least 40 hours each week to earning a paycheck. We may not have children, but we don't have a whole lot of time to write, either.

Peeve #2: But in a way, I can empathize with some of the difficulties parent-writers encounter. You see, when I return to my apartment after work, I try to go right to the computer and focus on my writing. And it's a bit distracting to hear children yelling and screaming and racing up and down the hallway outside.

Now, I like children. I'm even related to some children I frankly adore. But there are times when I wonder why people seem utterly unconcerned with the effects their children have on others.

Like yesterday evening. When I stepped away from the computer and peeked out my front door, I saw that there were SIX children making a racket out there, four of whom live in apartments on our hallway. It was apparently too difficult to confine their late-in-the-day playdate to an apartment. And they do own the hallway, right?

There were no parents around--just nannies. I guess the parents were away somewhere. Maybe they were writing. I sure wasn't.

--Prunella Peeve

And They Lived (Un)Happily Ever After

Someone sent me an email about how to be happy. Much of the advice was silly but the most annoying one was not to read books that don’t have happy endings, because they will “poison” your mind. So we are basically supposed to trick ourselves into thinking that life is happy, by avoiding any non-happy (i.e. realistic) movies or books. I don’t see anything wrong in reading some books with happy endings and some with less than happy endings. Different things for different moods or different phases in our lives, perhaps.

--Curly

Insomnia, My Biggest Enemy

I am so peeved about my lack of skills in the art of sleeping. I’ve been this way for years (and I suspect there are certain reasons why this is the case) and I’ve been struggling with it for so long that now I am basically scared to go to bed at night. And obviously that doesn’t help matters, because I expect to sleep poorly and thus set myself up for a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I seem to have tried nearly everything and nothing works. I’m exhausted. I can’t work well. And I don’t know what to do.

--Curly

Cashier, Not Inquisitor

I understand that perhaps working at a cash register is not the most enjoyable job out there (on a tangent, what *is* the most enjoyable job out there?), but that doesn’t mean check-out people should comment on customers’ purchases.

I routinely hear cashiers at the grocery story ask people buying wine either “Having a party, are you?” or “Have a bad day?” The customer often laughs uncomfortably. This kind of question seems rather awkward and inappropriate.

Meanwhile, I usually get comments about my purchases, because my shopping trolley is noticeably missing meat. Cashiers like to ask about my “vegetarian lifestyle” or tell me what I should eat, as though I need their input.

This isn’t just true of grocery stores, either. I get asked questions at other stores, too, such as whether what I am buying is a present (and no, they don’t always ask because they wonder about gift-wrapping) or what I am planning to do with the item. Why is it any of their business?

--Curly

The Look of Love: Commercial Crassness and Stereotypes

An obvious peeve is the commercial crassness of Valentine’s Day. We’re expected to buy cards, flowers, candy, and other gifts (generally decorated with hearts) for our loved ones once a year, but what I don’t get is why we don’t show people our love all the time and not just on a holiday that clearly is meant to offer a significant profit to certain industries. But it isn’t just the commerciality that bothers me; it’s also the stereotyping.

The other day, I was in a card shop, making a study of the cards available. First of all, nearly all the cards were designed for heterosexual couples. This was obvious because of the pictures of male and female people (or, once in awhile, animals, such as cats or bears, dressed in stereotypically male and female ways, with one cat in a skirt and the other wearing a tie) on the cards. So Valentine’s Day is a holiday for straight people.

Secondly, it was interesting to see how the cards used language. Cards addressed “to my husband” or “to my boyfriend” used terms such as “strong man,” “good father,” “faithful husband,” and “loving boyfriend.” Cards addressed “to my wife” or “to my girlfriend” were more likely to use words like “beautiful” and “sexy.” That is to say that women express their love for the men in their lives by praising what they do and how they do it, whereas men refer to their wives’ and girlfriends’ looks.

Is this what love is about?

--Curly

To Dye For

I am getting pretty tired of people “helpfully” suggesting that I color my hair in order to cover the gray. There are several annoying things about this.

One major issue I have with these suggestions is that they are unwelcome. I didn’t solicit advice about my appearance, and yet people often feel they have the right to offer it. Why don’t you mind your own business and take care of your own looks before criticizing mine?

Secondly, the advice these people proffer suggests there is something wrong with gray hair. What is wrong with gray hair exactly? Do I look old (and what is wrong with that, anyway) because I have some gray (actually white) strands? Do I look ugly? Why?

On my paternal side of the family, people go gray/white prematurely, and apparently I am following that pattern. Some of the people dye their hair and it looks awful and fake, especially past a certain age. I have no urge to look like I’ve been pouring shoe polish on my head. Also, it isn’t healthy for your hair and I am not eager to dry out or damage my locks.

So thanks for the unwanted advice, but I think I’ll take a pass on the dye.

--Curly

Thirtynothing

I'm not exactly up on pop music, nor am I generally a fan of pop, but I can't resist agreeing with some of the peevish sentiment's in Lily Allen's 22 (you can watch the video online).

There are two main points. One is that once you reach thirty, your life is over, especially if you're a woman (Blur, an all-male group, claims that what is more likely is that "the mind gets dirty as you get closer to thirty" -- you can watch a video for this song online, too). As I approached thirty, I was certainly warned about what this new decade would entail, and the predictions were dire. Is thirty really the end of the best part of a person's life? I don't think so!

The other peeve in Lily Allen's song is about how a woman is waiting for a man to "pick[s] her up and put[s] her over his shoulder," i.e. to be the one to change her life, fix her problems, and take care of her. This is the message from society, too.

In other words, as we women approach thirty, we had better hope we find a man to ensure that our life doesn't get very depressing and hopeless.

--Curly

Why I Will No Longer Write for a Certain Publication

1) It's sloppy. Each issue contains numerous formatting inconsistencies, plus spelling errors (including repeated misspellings of my own name).
2) It's unpredictable. I've asked the editor for an editorial/publishing calendar numerous times. Doesn't seem to exist.
3) Its Web site is out-of-date.
4) Despite multiple requests--one of which was actually acknowledged by return e-mail-- I seem unable to obtain a contributor's copy of the issue containing my last (as in most recent, as well as final) piece. Never mind my subscription copy.
5) I can't seem to script an e-mail to the editor these days without waves of irritation and annoyance washing over me.

What factors can make you swear off writing for a particular publication?

--Prunella

This is Reality?

I don’t usually watch reality tv shows, but as a break, I was looking at one not long ago that featured dance routines, and I was disturbed to see how the women were scarcely clad and were shaking their bodies seductively, whereas the men relied on their talent (or lack thereof). Again, what is about women’s bodies being public property? Why do we feel we can look at women (wearing what amounted to little more than g-strings and tight tops), dancing around and giggling and smiling and flipping their long locks and shimmying their bodies, whereas we expect men to perform and show their strength and skills (and, possibly, to do it all with a shirt half-unbuttoned, their muscular, hairy chests somewhat on display)?

A reflection of reality indeed!

--Curly

Money Talks, Non-Gratitude Walks

I have complained about this before, but I must mention again how many emails I get from people asking for help. I often do help people and then I am rarely thanked for my time and effort.

I complained about this and someone told me she started a consulting business, so now people have to pay her if they want this kind of help. Perhaps money will talk, since apparently gratitude doesn’t.

--Curly

Forward: Untrue “Facts”

Related to my last point about stupid forwards, I would like to complain about untrue ones. Yes, there are sites like Snopes, where you can check if a certain item is really dangerous for your health or if a celebrity really has such a low IQ or whatever, but why should I have to check facts and then correct you? I have several times sent emails back to people, refuting their “facts” and suggesting they send an explanatory message to everyone they sent their original forward to, and really this is a waste of time and energy.

So if you are going to send a forward containing “facts,” get your facts straight first!

--Curly

Forward: Re: Forward: Forward: Stupid

We all have limited time, so why do people like to waste time (both mine and theirs) by reading and then forwarding stupid emails? How nice that you think women are phenomenal, that you consider me a friend, that you laugh at stereotyped jokes about men and women, that you want everyone to be aware of strange people who might be hiding in the back seat of cars, that you find statistics about which ethnic groups won Nobel Prizes interesting, that you would like to consider whether Jesus was black or Jewish (or perhaps non-existent), and so on, but why do I have to think about such things (especially when I’ve already seen each message many times!)?

It is a waste of my time to have to look through the email, decide whether I want to read it or not, and then delete it. So please stop sending the same lame, dull, and useless emails over and over again!

--Curly

Happy Crabby New Year

It’s scarcely the new year and I’m already crabby (okay, fine, I’m always crabby). Besides finding the holiday season itself stressful for a number of reasons (the forced joviality, the Christmas songs playing non-stop, the commercialism, the dull parties, time spent with relatives), I also find holiday-related travel annoying and rant-worthy.

Too often, tickets don’t arrive in the mail as they should, which leads to me having to make calls and enquiries and sometimes to having to buy new tickets, which may or may not be reimbursed. And trains, buses, and planes are always very crowded, frequently with people eating smelly food and talking loudly, and these people may not have showered recently either. Then the staff at airports and on planes are generally rude, snapping at customers (including at me, because I dared to order a vegetarian meal). I somehow always manage to arouse suspicion when going through customs as well, perhaps because I have dual citizenship, live outside my native country, and travel a lot.

All told, it’s an exhausting and frustrating time of the year, and it has left me with a headache. But the good news is that it’s over now. At least for the next dozen months!

--Curly