The Grinch Returns

I’m glad Christmas is almost over, because I’m sick of Christmas carols, Christmas cards, Christmas shopping, Christmas food, and the Christmas spirit in general. This forced joviality gets tiresome. And even though people talk about how this season is about charity and happiness and all that, it seems like it’s just about commerciality and money to me.

Move Over, I’m Squashed

Okay, maybe this is just rude of me, but I do get annoyed by fat people on airplanes, trains, or buses. I think very large people should pay for two seats, because if they only have one, and you’re the poor person stuck next to them, you get squeezed and it’s quite uncomfortable. I know some people have health problems that make them gain weight, but nevertheless, the rest of us shouldn’t have to suffer for it.

--Curly

Use It or Lose It

At the gym, some people seem to spend more time socializing than working out. And when they socialize, they stand around the equipment, blocking the way so others can’t use it. Other people sit on a weight machine or a stand on a treadmill, reading a newspaper or book rather than actually using the machine.

It is so annoying to be waiting for a machine and to watch as someone takes his time having a conversation while still sitting there, but not working out. And if you ask them politely if they are done, you get a glare back and the comment, “I’m not through yet.”

Use the machine or get off it. It’s really inconsiderate.

--Curly

Union Man

I’m in the union at my job. I think it’s important to make sure we are all treated fairly. But quite a few of my colleagues aren’t in the union and act as though it’s a strange concept. In fact, one colleague (admittedly a difficult one anyway) mocked me for being in the union and for being a union rep.

How can anyone think being unionized is wrong?

--Curly

All My Exes Live in Texas…

This is not so much a rant as a quandary – how much contact is it good to have with one’s exes? Is it better to cut them off completely? My problem with that is that these people were once important to us, so shouldn’t we try to preserve whatever we can of the relationship instead of losing it completely? But then if we do, how much should we tell each other about our lives, including current relationships? It’s hard to renegotiate those boundaries and to move back to being friends from being lovers who shared everything.

For example, I think it’s courteous to tell the most recent exes that we are seeing someone new, and I have done that, but then I haven’t received the same courtesy back and instead found out via a mutual friend. So what’s the right protocol?

These days, I lean more towards to minimal contact side of things. What do others think? Should our exes stay in Texas?

--Curly

Giving the (Ring) Finger

While getting my nails manicured, the manicurist noticed a ring on my left ring finger. It was a silver band, engraved with the name of my alma mater. The manicurist asked me if I was married. I told her I was not.

She then asked why I wore a ring on that finger. She proceeded to explain that if men saw a ring on my finger, they would not ask me, and thus, "You will never get married! Don't wear a ring there!"

Um, okay. First of all, it is none of her business what my marital status is or what I wear and where I wear it. Second, I don't like her assumption that I must want a husband. Not everyone does, not even taking into account matters of sexuality.

I would have liked to give her the (ring) finger!

--Curly

Used and Discarded

I’ve talked about how people rarely thank others for help provided. Occasionally it happens and then I feel surprised and it makes me want to continue to give advice and help to other people (who then disappoint me by not thanking me).

Once again, though, I spent a lot of time helping someone (in this case, someone I’d known well for years with something she could have discovered herself by doing just a bit of research, even via Google, and also, she has much more free time than I do), and she responded by not contacting me for a long time and then never thanking me for the help or showing interest in how I’d been doing in the meantime (a period when I’d had surgery and lost a family member).

Sometimes I don’t know why I bother.

--Curly

Jesus Isn’t Welcome Here

I’ve complained before about people wishing even non-Christians a Merry Christmas. I recently had occasion to realize once again how deeply Christian sentiments imbue our society.

When there was a death in the family, some people – who, I must admit, were kind enough to want to make a gesture of some sort – said that God had called the late relative home, and made other comments along those lines. I could accept that, even though I’m an atheist. But some people who were clearly aware that our family is not Christian, sent religious messages, talking about Jesus. And that, I felt, was beyond what was appropriate. And verses from the New Testament were also unwelcome.

How hard is it to remember that religious belief is a very private thing and that you should keep it to yourself, especially during what is a difficult time for someone else?

--Curly

Anti-Anti-Pride

It’s Pride season, which means it’s also pride-protester season. Among the protesters and to varying degrees of vocalness, there are a number of types. For example, there are the usual religious fanatics who are anti-queer (and I can’t be bothered to argue with their stupidity at the moment), and then there are the fairly queer-friendly, or at least queer-accepting, folks who just don’t see a point in pride.

“Be gay, fine. But why do you have to be all out and loud and proud about it?” they ask.

If society pressures people to be heterosexual and yet someone manages to be true to him- or herself anyway and to live a homosexual or bisexual life, that person deserves to feel some pride in his/her strength. It’s incredibly hard for many to go against societal and familial demands, and to be themselves.

“But why don’t we get heterosexual pride parades?” the same fairly queer-accepting people ask.

Every day celebrates heterosexual pride! Every day, heterosexual couples can go about their lives, holding hands in public, kissing in the streets, sharing romantic meals, visiting each other in the hospital, picking up their children from school, getting equal rights everywhere and at all times, and so much more. So is one day to celebrate homosexual and bisexual couples too much to ask?

I’m anti these anti-pride-protesters.

--Curly

Family Feud

It’s true that we don’t choose our families, and often they are people we wouldn’t necessarily want to be friends with and/or have little in common with, but we’re generally stuck with them anyway (unless we cut off contact, which is extreme, but sometimes the only possible way forward).

There are good things about my relatives, but there have been a number of stressful family situations over the years, and although I love them, I can’t say it is easy or relaxing to spend time with them. So while I’m looking forward to seeing them next month, I am also beginning to feel a sense of unease about it. I wish family members could accept us for who we are, even if we are different than they would have liked. In general, if we all just took people for who they are, rather than being disappointed that they are different than we had planned or hoped for, we would have fewer feuds and fewer stressful and upsetting family visits.

--Curly

Ranting about Students: Part 6

I thought I would take a break from ranting about students, but as the summer is getting on and students are looking for jobs and/or are applying for the next level of education, I have more to rant about.

Some students tell you they’ve used you as a reference after the fact; i.e., they casually mention that they’ve put you down as a reference after they’ve already submitted their applications. Some don’t even tell you that much, so that sometimes you end up getting asked questions about a student or asked for a reference and you aren’t prepared for it at all.

If you are going to use someone as a reference, I think you should ask for permission first. Then, with the person’s approval, list his/her contact details, not before.

--Curly

P-U, Part 2

Besides people's body odors, I also am not fond of strong food smells. It is awful to get on a plane or train and to realise someone has brought along hamburgers and fries or fried chicken or bacon sandwiches or other greasy and strongly-scented food. There I am, stuck in a close compartment with smells that nauseate me.

I know people are hungry, but I guess, as with many other things, I wish we would all show more consideration towards others. Keeping ourselves fresh and not intruding upon other people with smells (or sounds or other behaviors) doesn't seem like too much to ask.

P-U!

I'm oversensitive, I know, but I really can't stand strong smells, especially when they are emanating from people.

There seems to be a number of people for whom showering is optional. Ugh. Not long ago, I had to contend with a visitor to my home who had unbelievably smelly feet, and who put said feet on my sofa. I was close to passing out from the stench.

And then there are also many people who wear strong perfumes or aftershaves, which can also be quite unpleasant and headache-inducing.

Please shower regularly and please don't overwhelm others with strong smells!

--Curly

When I Think About You, I Don’t Touch Myself

I can’t be the only one who gets a bit disgusted by the way men are always touching (oh, excuse me, I meant “adjusting”) themselves. When I teach, I see male students reaching into their jeans. When I’ve attended lectures or workshops, I’ve seen the leaders scratching or tugging as they speak. When I’m on the bus, at a movie, in a restaurant, listening to a concert, or anywhere else, I see men busy rubbing, fixing, patting, or otherwise touching their genital areas.

Now I know I’m not a man, so I don’t know how uncomfortable or hot or itchy or whatever else it can be to have a penis hanging between my legs. I’ve been told that I’m too hard (so to speak) on men and that I just don’t understand what it’s like. That may be true, but is it too much to ask for men to go somewhere private if they are going to touch their privates? And could they wash their hands when finished? I’m not keen on the idea of shaking hands with someone who was just shaking his penis.

Maybe my ideas of etiquette are too strict, but I guess I don’t believe that men truly have reason to be touching themselves in public.

--Curly

Managing to Write with Children Around

Yes, I'm back. I know my presence has been missed. But today is your lucky day--two peeves in one post!

Peeve #1: All the writers out there whining about how hard it is to write when they're raising children. For some reason, the stay-at-home parents whose children are in school all day (all day, when the rest of us are at the office and unable to pursue our own writing, as it happens) are among the worst offenders here. It's too hard to write when you're raising children and keeping a home. There are so many errands and carpools to manage! You have to prepare dinner. Etc. Well, some of us have to manage our own households, prepare our own meals, AND devote at least 40 hours each week to earning a paycheck. We may not have children, but we don't have a whole lot of time to write, either.

Peeve #2: But in a way, I can empathize with some of the difficulties parent-writers encounter. You see, when I return to my apartment after work, I try to go right to the computer and focus on my writing. And it's a bit distracting to hear children yelling and screaming and racing up and down the hallway outside.

Now, I like children. I'm even related to some children I frankly adore. But there are times when I wonder why people seem utterly unconcerned with the effects their children have on others.

Like yesterday evening. When I stepped away from the computer and peeked out my front door, I saw that there were SIX children making a racket out there, four of whom live in apartments on our hallway. It was apparently too difficult to confine their late-in-the-day playdate to an apartment. And they do own the hallway, right?

There were no parents around--just nannies. I guess the parents were away somewhere. Maybe they were writing. I sure wasn't.

--Prunella Peeve

Cashier, Not Inquisitor

I understand that perhaps working at a cash register is not the most enjoyable job out there (on a tangent, what *is* the most enjoyable job out there?), but that doesn’t mean check-out people should comment on customers’ purchases.

I routinely hear cashiers at the grocery story ask people buying wine either “Having a party, are you?” or “Have a bad day?” The customer often laughs uncomfortably. This kind of question seems rather awkward and inappropriate.

Meanwhile, I usually get comments about my purchases, because my shopping trolley is noticeably missing meat. Cashiers like to ask about my “vegetarian lifestyle” or tell me what I should eat, as though I need their input.

This isn’t just true of grocery stores, either. I get asked questions at other stores, too, such as whether what I am buying is a present (and no, they don’t always ask because they wonder about gift-wrapping) or what I am planning to do with the item. Why is it any of their business?

--Curly

To Dye For

I am getting pretty tired of people “helpfully” suggesting that I color my hair in order to cover the gray. There are several annoying things about this.

One major issue I have with these suggestions is that they are unwelcome. I didn’t solicit advice about my appearance, and yet people often feel they have the right to offer it. Why don’t you mind your own business and take care of your own looks before criticizing mine?

Secondly, the advice these people proffer suggests there is something wrong with gray hair. What is wrong with gray hair exactly? Do I look old (and what is wrong with that, anyway) because I have some gray (actually white) strands? Do I look ugly? Why?

On my paternal side of the family, people go gray/white prematurely, and apparently I am following that pattern. Some of the people dye their hair and it looks awful and fake, especially past a certain age. I have no urge to look like I’ve been pouring shoe polish on my head. Also, it isn’t healthy for your hair and I am not eager to dry out or damage my locks.

So thanks for the unwanted advice, but I think I’ll take a pass on the dye.

--Curly

Money Talks, Non-Gratitude Walks

I have complained about this before, but I must mention again how many emails I get from people asking for help. I often do help people and then I am rarely thanked for my time and effort.

I complained about this and someone told me she started a consulting business, so now people have to pay her if they want this kind of help. Perhaps money will talk, since apparently gratitude doesn’t.

--Curly

Happy Crabby New Year

It’s scarcely the new year and I’m already crabby (okay, fine, I’m always crabby). Besides finding the holiday season itself stressful for a number of reasons (the forced joviality, the Christmas songs playing non-stop, the commercialism, the dull parties, time spent with relatives), I also find holiday-related travel annoying and rant-worthy.

Too often, tickets don’t arrive in the mail as they should, which leads to me having to make calls and enquiries and sometimes to having to buy new tickets, which may or may not be reimbursed. And trains, buses, and planes are always very crowded, frequently with people eating smelly food and talking loudly, and these people may not have showered recently either. Then the staff at airports and on planes are generally rude, snapping at customers (including at me, because I dared to order a vegetarian meal). I somehow always manage to arouse suspicion when going through customs as well, perhaps because I have dual citizenship, live outside my native country, and travel a lot.

All told, it’s an exhausting and frustrating time of the year, and it has left me with a headache. But the good news is that it’s over now. At least for the next dozen months!

--Curly

Miss Conduct's "Annual Airing of Grievances"

Oh, did I enjoy reading through these grievances from "Miss Conduct" and her many commenters over on the Boston Globe's Web site. What a perfect way to end the year! Hope that you enjoy this material as much as I did!

--Prunella