Reliable Sources

Curly and I can usually be counted on for at least a few rants each week (and I know I'm treading on thin ice as I write that, because I know Curly has strong views on the use of "a few"!). But in the unlikely event that we should go silent for more than a day or two or three, please do consult some of the other voices expressing peeves on the Internet. We're building a set of links to their fine work (look under "Fellow Ranters" to the left). And we welcome suggestions! Please use the comments feature to tell us about other sites where you can reliably find peeves and rants. Thanks in advance.

--Prunella

Wrong Season’s Greetings

Halloween hasn’t even been yet, and already Christmas decorations and foodstuffs and presents wrapped in fancy paper and other holiday items are on sale all over my city. Why does it seem that Christmas comes earlier each year? It seems wrong – not to mention depressing – to see all the reminders of the winter holidays when the leaves have only now just started changing colors. I’d prefer to get to enjoy each season on its own terms, but instead my autumn is marred by all the fruitcake and the “Seasons’ Greetings” notices and the pictures of snowflakes and Frosty the Snowman. Any day now, I expect to hear Christmas carols, too.

Of course, I don’t actually celebrate Christmas, but even if I did, I don’t think there is a need to do so for two and a half months. Can’t they wait until mid-December before starting the Christmas celebrations? Can’t we enjoy one season and one holiday at a time?

--Curly

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

It's always validating to find well-written expressions of thoughts/experiences that I've struggled to articulate. Over the past few days I've found two examples of such writing. And guess what--their subjects are not unrelated.

The first piece speaks to the general dumbing-down of the next generation. And the other recounts the experiences of a young faculty member who has suffered adverse consequences for her intense work ethic and high academic standards.

In the past--thankfully, not in my present job--I've been on the receiving end of treatment similar to what the second author describes. Often, that treatment has resulted from the very effort of trying to correct the sad situation the first one presents.

Which makes me sympathetic to their well-reasoned, well-written rants.

--Prunella

Department of Corrections

What is more annoying – when people use bad grammar or when others correct them? Well, it depends on the situation, of course, but those of us who cringe when others make grammatical mistakes might enjoy this article from last Sunday’s New York Times.

--Curly

Another Note on E-mail Etiquette

Many thanks to Curly for broaching such a fruitful avenue in peevedom for us to explore: e-mail. Here's my first contribution:

Faithful readers, if you will be away for more than a couple of days (I'm not talking about weekends--you have a pass for weekends), please do enable the auto-response feature of your e-mail program and inform your correspondents of your absence. It may be irrational, but the speed of e-mail has led many of us to expect relatively prompt replies to our own outgoing messages. Please do us the courtesy of letting us know that you're not necessarily ignoring us, and our e-mail messages have not necessarily been diverted into the cyber-netherworld. We just have to be patient. We can accept this--so long as we're informed.

And then, of course, please remember to disable the same feature once you've returned.

Many thanks!

--Prunella

BW/BR

What is with people writing “BR” or “BW” as the closing to their emails? “BR”, of course, is short for “Best Regards” and “BW” stands for “Best Wishes.” If someone is using an abbreviation because she or he is apparently too lazy to write out the entire closing, I don’t believe that this person truly does have “best regards” for me. Sure, it is time-consuming to write those few extra letters (though you can always have them inserted automatically into your outgoing messages), but it does make a difference.

I’ll have more to say about professional, polite emails another time, but for now, BW.

--Curly

Just Checking In

Prunella here. Just wanted to say hello. Atypically, I have nothing to rant about at the moment. But don't worry--when something comes up you'll be the first to know!

--Prunella

Tying the (K)Not

Though I shouldn’t be, I am often surprised by what people think they can ask or say to others. I myself am a curious (okay, nosy!) person and I like to hear all about other people and what is happening in their lives, but I try not to make assumptions about what I think they ought to do and I try not to pressure them to behave according to what society thinks is right. So it gets tiresome when people do that to me. Showing interest is one thing, while making judgments and proffering unasked-for opinions is quite another.

One of the most annoying assumptions I have to deal with regularly is that I should get married. Because I am in a long-term relationship with someone of the opposite gender, most people (especially in certain countries, such as the U.S.) think that means I must want to get married and that it is bizarre or even wrong if I do not make wedding plans. With my grandparents or their friends, I do not mind so much that they ask me these kinds of questions, because I know that they are interested and that their worldview is different than mine (in that they generally believe that marriage is the right, or only, thing to do), and also less open to change at this stage. So I usually just smile and say “Some day” and let it go at that, even if I’d rather that they stop harping on it.

But with younger generations, I find this assumption especially irritating, because one would think that they would have a broader range of experiences (i.e. been exposed to more cultures, more sexualities, and more ways of living) than older people, but still, many are not so open-minded and so they believe that marriage is the only option in the world for couples (people need to study more anthropology and/or travel more). Also, I’d like to believe that younger people have recently had to listen to their own parents or grandparents offering “helpful advice” and asking too many questions and would therefore be sympathetic, but they nevertheless seem to think it is appropriate to talk to me as though they know best and as though it is natural for me to think exactly the way they do.

A typical example is from just a few weeks ago, when I was talking to a woman my age who got married earlier this year. She went on and on about her wedding and then, of course, asked when my wedding would be. I said I had no plans at this time. She looked concerned and embarrassed and then quickly said, “Well, don’t worry. My husband and I were together for six years before we got married! It will happen!” I assured her, “I am happily unmarried,” but that did not seem to make any sense to her, because after all, everyone wants to get married, don’t they?

And I won’t even mention all my college acquaintances or other friends who have issued dire warnings about living with someone without being married or who have worried on my behalf about how men won’t “buy the cow if they can get the milk for free” (no comments about me being compared to a cow, please!). Why do people always assume that women are desperate to get married while men do everything they can to avoid it? And why do they think men only want "milk"?

Some of these people have legitimate concerns, such as that they wonder what it means for me and my partner that many countries don’t recognize couples who live together and thus don’t give them legal rights. But most don’t focus on that. Instead, they think that being partners and not spouses is odd, cheap, morally wrong, shows a lack of commitment, and other unpleasant things, and frankly, I don’t need to hear such unsupportive or insulting remarks.

Marriage, as with so many other topics, is a personal decision, and while I am happy to talk about it and even to debate the pros and cons of getting married or not, I am not eager to have to defend myself and my lifestyle or to always have to politely accept advice I don’t necessarily agree with or want to hear. I’d rather people tie their tongues than continually ask me about tying the knot!

-- Curly

Editors are (Peevish) People, Too!

Apparently, writers aren't the only with peeves to rant about: Editors can become equally annoyed. Ten editors shared their views with freelancer Linda Formichelli, who has assembled an e-book of the interviews titled Editors Unleashed: Magazine Editors Growl About Their Writer Peeves. I'm not about to pay $11.95 for it (new peeve of my own: overpriced e-books), but I'm amused/interested. Any speculation on what those peeves might be?

--Prunella

All Orientals Look Alike

A few weeks ago, I met a man in his 20s. He looked Chinese, but what I noticed most about him is that he had a strong accent that was clearly not from the area where I live. I was sure he was English, so I asked him where he was from. He looked offended and said, “Well, my parents come from Hong Kong, but I was born and raised in England.” I realized immediately that he thought that I thought he was “foreign” and so he was defending himself against my presumed prejudice. I quickly said, “No, no, I meant, I thought I could hear that you were English, so I just wanted to know for sure.” But I don’t think he believed me.

Then last week, I ran into a different man on my university campus. I had met him at a party last winter and I remembered he was from Taiwan, but I was surprised to see him, since I had thought he was doing a Master’s degree and thus would have finished by now. It turned out, however, that he was working towards a PhD. So I admitted that I hadn’t remembered what he was studying or what degree he was working towards and that I’d thought he was getting an MA. He said, “You must have confused me with someone else. You probably think all Orientals look the same.” Again, I stuttered a defense of myself, but he cut me off and didn’t seem to accept my explanations.

So what is my peeve here, exactly? Well, it’s two-fold, I suppose. First of all, I feel sorry for the people who look “foreign” and thus have to suffer through a lot of questions about where they are from, even if they grew up in the country where people ask those questions. I, too, have a somewhat foreign look and have lived in a country where I was not native and where I was frequently questioned about my ethnicity. I know it gets tiresome, especially if there is a sense that your background is not equal to that of the “natives.” So I am annoyed at all the people who believe that if someone looks a little different, they must be from elsewhere, and that it is acceptable to ask people about where they are “really” from. It’s one thing to be curious and interested, but quite another thing to ask questions in a nasty or prejudiced way.

But the second part of my peeve is about people like me, who are used to being asked about our foreignness and our apparent lack of belonging. We tend to get defensive sometimes and to assume that whenever the subject of our ethnicity comes up, it must be a criticism or a veiled racist remark. We need to remember that questions can actually stem from an honest interest, or they can be about something other than what we assume (our accent, for example, rather than the shape of our eyes).

So, no, all Orientals don’t look alike. And, no, not everyone thinks they do, anyway.

--Curly

No Contest

Dear Literary Journal Editor:

I can understand if you've deemed my work so unworthy that you cannot even spare a signature--much less a personal word directed to the author--on the rejection slip (a scrap of paper!).

But in that case, please do spare me the advertisement for your journal's contest--which charges a "reading fee," of course--that you sent along for the ride in the self-addressed, stamped envelope that I provided for you per your directions when I submitted my work. (Do you think I'd really pay more than I've already shelled out for printing, postage, and the SASE just to get another anonymous "no thanks"?)

Please understand that the volume of advertisements I receive makes it impossible to address each editor personally. Thank you.

Most sincerely,
Prunella Peeve

A Positive Post: More on Monosexuals and Bisexuals

The fact that this blog is called “Peeves and Rants” suggests that our posts are mostly negative. However, I think there’s some room here for praise and positive commentary, too, especially if it relates to a peeve we have (or had).

Therefore, I’m happy to post an update to one of my earlier peeves, about how many homosexuals and heterosexuals criticize or openly dislike bisexuals. This week, I was lucky enough to spend an evening with a lovely lesbian. She knew I was some sort of queer, but I didn’t say the “b” word because I was concerned about her reaction. Yes, I know that sort of behavior is silly, but I tend to be like that in certain situations; perhaps we can call it fear-based-on-assumptions.

Anyway, this woman finally asked me straight out (to use an unfortunate phrase!) whether I was bisexual. I somewhat grudgingly admitted it, and I ended up telling her about my peeve and some of the discriminatory, critical remarks I’ve experienced. She said she didn’t understand it. She has heard the usual stereotypes about promiscuous bisexuals who can’t, or won’t, choose. But she didn’t agree with that and instead thought that bisexuals are more open, since we are attracted to people in general, and not first and foremost to a gender.

The upshot of our conversation was that I had found an open-minded monosexual who believed all the positive things we bisexuals like to think about ourselves, and that was refreshing and encouraging.

Now if only more people would think like that!

--Curly

Please Give Credit Where Credit Is Due

I have to be careful with this one. Curly and I agree that we want to keep ourselves as unidentifiable as possible on this blog, while remaining true to our peeve-prone selves. And sometimes that makes describing rant-inducing circumstances especially tricky.

One of my writing interests can be boiled down to providing guidance to other writers. Sometimes I'm paid for this. But as a service to the community (and to my research-driven self), I also provide plenty of it free of charge. Clearly, I don't expect to be paid monetarily for that. I love it when writers follow-up and let me know how my advice has helped or validated them, or how a market lead has led to a publication, or how their work has fared in a competition I led them to. That's another sort of compensation.

As is public acknowledgment.

I admit that I'm far from the first--or only--source of information out there for writers. There are plenty of others offering similar information, and when I point others to something I originally discovered from someone else, I give credit (and a weblink, as relevant). Maybe it's my academic background--the way source documentation was pounded into me--or maybe it's just a basic sense of fairness at work. Either way, even if I'm framing a piece of information differently, I have to attribute the original source.

And I'm mightily peeved when other writers--who clearly know better--don't do the same. When I post something one day and it shows up the next on someone else's blog or newsletter for writers without any attribution whatsoever.

Wait, it gets better. Because some of the worst offenders (who use "my" information to build up [paying] subscriber bases] have the gall to ask me to publicize competitions they run (including competitions which charge entry fees!).

I'm especially peeved when I see some of these writers cited on discussion boards or actually recognized by various "best of" lists. Then they tout those credentials as well, even on the sig lines they include with the e-mails they send me with their requests to do more for them.

To be fair, some people, when I share my concerns with them, apologize and rectify the errors of their ways. But some don't. And that peeves me. And usually leads to more rants.

--Prunella

Soothing the Savage Beast

As anyone who knows me is aware, I am a big fan of music. I enjoy many kinds, though jazz is my true love, music-wise. Music is inspiring and it can “soothe the savage beast,” as William Congreve said. But what I don’t like is when people force their music on you in situations where you can’t avoid it, such as in stores or restaurants or on buses or trains. Of course I think salespeople, waiters, bus-drivers, and my fellow passengers have the right to listen to music; I just wish that they would do so at a volume that doesn’t disturb everyone else. I also wish that they would have good taste in music, but that seems never to be the case, unfortunately. It can be stressful to try to eat, talk, or shop to the noise of loud, throbbing music, and sometimes I wonder why people don’t think of the customers and try to make their experience as pleasant as possible.

My general feeling is that when out in public (or when at home, obviously), I should try to be considerate of other people. My common-sense rule is to ask myself whether what I am doing can bother or disturb others; it’s true that you can’t always guess that, but it is a helpful guideline.

So, go ahead, soothe your savage beast. Just do it quietly.

--Curly

Typhoid Mark

Today is not a workday, so I thought I'd share with you a non-work-related peeve. Which I have reason to rant about given that I've encountered it yet again just this morning.

When I moved into my current apartment, several moons ago, I found the building's gym/fitness room an appealing perk. Now, I thought, I'd really have no reason--not the weather, not the distance, not the expense--not to exercise regularly. What a boon!

I didn't bargain on Typhoid Mark.

From the start, Typhoid Mark and I seemed to share a similar weekend workout schedule. Which meant that in the tiny space allotted to the treadmills and other equipment, he was coughing, snorting, exhaling germs within my breathing space too often for my comfort.

Now, when I have a cold, or a sinus infection, or strep throat, I tend not to exercise. If I am to be perfectly honest, I will confess that I appreciate the "excuse" not to work out. Plus, since I know how peeved I get when sickies spread their germs to me, I think it's considerate not to return the "favor."

Typhoid Mark, who apparently has some very chronic condition, apparently shares no such concern. He coughs winter, spring, summer and fall. When the weather's temperate enough, just finding him in the exercise room when I arrive is enough to drive me outside for a jog (after I've done a bit of work with the weights). I simply can't believe it's healthy for me to be in that room when he is, and I can't believe he's not considerate enough to even cover his mouth when he coughs. What say you?

--Prunella

Piercing’s in a Mans World

Since I work with language and am a linguaphile, I have a lot of linguistic peeves, so occasionally on this blog I’ll post about various language peeves, including ones about spelling, grammar, punctuation, and word choices.

I have too many to be able to choose one favorite, but for my first language-related peeve, I’ll choose something that I see constantly and that is probably one of my top peeves: the misuse of apostrophes. In the past week or so alone, I’ve seen many signs or websites with incorrect apostrophe usage, including:

--A store offering “apple’s”.
--A band called “The Three Amigo’s”.
--Several parlors where you can get “tattoo’s and piercing’s”.
--A salon with the slogan “It’s a mans world”.
--Beauty shops with “tanning bed’s”.
--“Sarahs Café, serving ice cream’s”.
--And frighteningly many more!

Let’s review the situation. Apostrophes are employed in two primary ways in the English language: possessives (i.e. ownership) and contractions. I’ll deal with contractions at another time, since it is another peeve-worthy topic.

Did you notice that the word “plurals” was not on the list of accepted usages for apostrophes (except, of course, if there is a word that is both plural and possessive, such as “the amigos’ tattoos”)? So why do people keep adding apostrophes to words that are plural? And why do people sometimes leave out apostrophes in words that are possessive?

The basic rule is: if there is more than one of an object (apples, beds, ice creams), there should be no apostrophe, but if you are referring to something owned (man’s world, Sarah’s Café), there should be. Simple, right?

If you are going to get tattoos or piercings (not tattoo’s and piercing’s), it is important to get this done at a place that is clean and has experienced tattoo artists and body piercers who know how to hygienically and properly do the job. But, in my opinion, another quality to look for is good apostrophe usage! Personally, I feel put off – and thus less likely to patronize a place – when I see this mistake made.

Thank's, er, thanks for letting me get that off my chest!

--Curly

How Not to Ask Questions on Academic Listservs

This week I caught a post over at The Little Professor, providing sage guidance on "how to ask questions on academic listservs." And it made me smile.

For it reminded me of a pet peeve from my teaching days at Very Prestigious University (VPU). And while Little Professor's post addresses students in particular, the author rightfully notes that "students are not the only ones" who can benefit from her counsel. To which Prunella says: Amen.

For Little Professor brought me back to the days when I was ranting to anyone who would listen (who was not my colleague at VPU) about the sloth on display within my department listserv. Now, back then we were just getting acquainted with the listserv concept and practice, so perhaps some slack might be cut.

Or maybe not. Because some of the posts from my colleagues demonstrated such amazing laziness that I still feel outraged. (Sure, I like to sleep late on Saturdays as much as the next person, but come on--don't people become academics in the humanities because they actually find the work of research appealing?)

One such post still stands out in my mind. The gist of it was (and I'm paraphrasing only slightly): "Can anyone recommend readings on Famous American Novel?" To which I wanted to type back: "Have you heard of the MLA database? For starters?"

The posts also belied the idea that we, and the students who were choosing to take independent study or seminar courses in our department, also liked to read. Memorable example (with slight disguise): "I'm running into a problem with a student in an independent study on The Nineteenth-Century Russian Novel. We want to include Famous Novelist Whose Books Easily Exceed 1000 Pages, but we don't have time for anything long." (Worse, our chair, a Famous Literary Scholar in his own right, then chimed in with a "helpful" suggestion.)

So, Little Professor, Prunella hears you. And appreciates your post.

--Prunella

A Bone To Pick

Lesbians, I have a bone to pick with you. (Yes, I’ve chosen that less than apt phrase on purpose.) This summer, I read about a new support and social group for queer women in my city. I called the number listed so I could get more information. Knowing attitudes towards bisexuals in general (and specifically within the queer community, not to even mention within the heterosexual community), I thought it wise to ask whether bisexual women were welcome. The woman on the other end of the line, who had just a moment before been well-spoken and welcoming, began stuttering; she started a sentence, interrupted herself, started a different one, cut herself off again, and so on. Finally she said, “Well, to be honest, I don’t know.” She suggested that I come to the first meeting, present myself as a bisexual, and let the others decide whether I could take part in the group. Okay, so I am supposed to open up about my sexuality to a bunch of people I don’t know and then wait for them to pass judgment on whether I am queer enough for them and whether they can handle a bi woman in their midst? No, thanks.

So my feeling is that either the queer community needs to be less judgmental about those of us they consider fence-sitters or else we bisexuals need to stop trying to join the supposed lgbt party and instead start more organizations and activities just for us.

--Curly

Without Further Ado...Prunella's First Post

Without further ado, here's my first post (though first I'd like to thank Curly for launching us into our project so nicely!).

So here's my initial peeve: the use of "adieu" when the writer intends to convey "ado." As in: "Without further adieu...." I recently noticed this malapropism on a blog, and, well, I was peeved. Especially because said blog belongs to a writer/editor who exerts quite a bit of influence on aspiring writers. Out of curiosity I then searched the Internet for "without further adieu" and--steel yourselves--located over 150,000 hits. (My random sampling reveals that only a small fraction of these address the problem of the phrase; unfortunately, most are simply using it in ignorant bliss.)

Now, I do have more than a passing acquaintance with the French language, so I understand that in some extreme circumstances one might indeed wish to put an end to those interminable farewells and say, "Without further adieu...." (But even there, use the plural, people! Adieux, not adieu!)

If you're an English speaker, and a reasonably well-educated one, you may have heard of a play by someone named William Shakespeare. The play is titled Much Ado About Nothing. Not "Much Adieu About Nothing." Right? Is it all becoming clear now?

I'm so glad that's out of the way. Let's move on--without further ado.

--Prunella

Don't Touch the Hair

Why am I called Curly Curmudgeon? Well, quite simply, I can be curmudgeonly and I have curly hair. The reason why I am talking about my curly hair in the context of peeves and rants is that many people seem to have a fascination with curls. Of course, I can admit that it is flattering to hear how people admire curly hair and wish they had hair like mine and spend a lot of money getting perms that ends up not looking all that good, but the problem is that I get tired of people I don’t know (or don’t know well) feeling as though they can just come up to me and start touching and playing with my hair. It is not okay to start “boinging” my curls or patting my head or running your fingers through my hair without asking for permission (and unless you know me fairly well, it’s an odd thing to ask permission for anyway). Similarly, it’s not all that polite to ask if my hair is real or natural; if it were a permanent or a wig, I might be embarrassed of that fact or not want to share it with others. But, yes, I'm naturally curly.

So, sure, feel free to talk about the curls, to ask about them, to tell me I look like the corkscrew-headed doll you had as a child, and so on, but please don’t just assume you can touch my hair.

--Curly Curmudgeon