No Contest

Dear Literary Journal Editor:

I can understand if you've deemed my work so unworthy that you cannot even spare a signature--much less a personal word directed to the author--on the rejection slip (a scrap of paper!).

But in that case, please do spare me the advertisement for your journal's contest--which charges a "reading fee," of course--that you sent along for the ride in the self-addressed, stamped envelope that I provided for you per your directions when I submitted my work. (Do you think I'd really pay more than I've already shelled out for printing, postage, and the SASE just to get another anonymous "no thanks"?)

Please understand that the volume of advertisements I receive makes it impossible to address each editor personally. Thank you.

Most sincerely,
Prunella Peeve