Yeah, Yeah, Yeah -- "Jingle Bell's" to You Too

This will be my last post of the year, I promise. I have many rants about the holiday season but two that I must get off my chest are:

--The endless Christmas music. Yes, I'm a grinch, but I hate it. I wish I could go into a store and not hear this stupid music. I have actually left stores because the music is so annoying and makes me feel anxious and stressed.

--Bad punctuation. All right, this always bothers me, but especially now when I have to see "Happy holiday's" and "Christmas special's". It makes me want to rip signs, cards, and menus up!

I think I need to start hibernating during the holiday season.

--Curly

Miss Conduct's "Annual Airing of Grievances"

Oh, did I enjoy reading through these grievances from "Miss Conduct" and her many commenters over on the Boston Globe's Web site. What a perfect way to end the year! Hope that you enjoy this material as much as I did!

--Prunella

Not Tickling My Fancy/Fanny

I haven't experienced this myself, but lots of female friends have mentioned how, when they are at the gynecologist getting examined, the doctor will tell them to "think of Brad Pitt and relax."

This is disgusting and offensive for a number of reasons. First of all, not all women are straight and want to think about a man when someone has his or her hands between their legs. And whether they are straight or not, they may not find Brad Pitt (or George Clooney or Johnny Depp or whoever else) attractive. And why should women have to get such advice anyway? Do men at the proctologist get told that they should think of Julia Roberts or Angelina Jolie? Why can't the doctor/nurse focus on the task at hand (so to speak) and try to make the patient relaxed in some other way?

If someone said this to me, I'd be inclined to close my legs and kick him/her in the face!

--Curly

Undressed for Success

In my last post, I complained about music videos and their use of half-dressed women to catch the viewer’s interest. The same is true of advertisements. So often I see a billboard or an ad in a magazine and it features a mostly naked women, and I incorrectly assume the ad is for underwear. But no, usually it is for something totally unrelated to underwear, such as a car, or alcohol, or even an amusement park (because nothing is fun for the whole family like a sexy undressed woman!).

When will we stop using women’s bodies to sell things? Does seeing a naked woman really make someone more likely to choose a particular brand or product? For me, it does the opposite, and I would like to think that it might have this effect on those of us who are conscious of sexism.

--Curly

Black Eyed Pleas

One of my few celebrity crushes – and perhaps the most embarrassing one – was on the singer Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas. In my pursuit of Fergie, I have watched (and yes, I admit it, enjoyed) many BEP videos.

This peeve is not only related to BEP but to most music videos out there. Why are women scantily clad and portrayed solely as sex objects? Why are they bumping and grinding, usually with their gaze trained on the male singer, who is often unattractive and sloppily dressed but acts like a stud? Even Fergie, who does have a powerful voice, is nearly always wearing a minimum of clothes (okay, okay, I do like that, but I also chastise myself for liking it!) and she is shown in these videos as a sexy woman who is appreciated for her body and her looks, but not for her musical talent.

When will we get to a stage where we can focus on the music and on the story told by music? Why do we need half-dressed women in order to keep our attention?

--Curly

Have Yourself a Sexist Little Christmas

Ah, the holidays. A time filled with so many rant-worthy subjects!

I got a book catalog in the mail, advertising wonderful holiday presents, conveniently divided into “for him” and “for her” sections. For him, why not buy a book about war, sports, cars, or science? And for her, naturally there are books on cooking and gardening, with one thrown in about animals, since women love cute itty-bitty animals! Women would never want to read about science or, gasp, sports, and why should men learn anything about plants or baking?

How is it that even in this day and age, even presents are still sexist?

--Curly

Peeved by This Blog

I wrote a bunch of peeved posts, but alas, they have now disappeared. Thus I am peeved by this blog!

Don't worry -- we'll be back to our regularly scheduled ranting soon!

--Curly

Untitled

I am constantly annoyed by people assuming that since I am a woman, I must be either a Miss or a Mrs. I find this assumption upsetting for many reasons.

Miss to me refers to a little girl, not to a grown woman, and Mrs. is only for a woman who is married and has taken her husband's name. So as an unmarried, grown woman, neither of those names is appropriate. Instead, I would prefer Ms., which is often not recognized as a possibility.

But in fact I happen to be Dr. Now, ordinarily, I wouldn't go around bragging about this, but when people ask me if I am Miss or Mrs., I immediately reply, "Actually, I'm Dr."

Why do people believe that Miss and Mrs. are the only two possible options for women? Why don't they consider that women may have advanced degrees? And what about women who married but haven't changed their last names? Or women who are unmarried and are adults?

How hard is to think of women as something other than girls or wives?

--Dr. Curly

Prunella's Return, and a New Rant Resource

Prunella lives!

I must apologize for my long absence. Please be assured that this blog has not been far from my mind. Especially on Sundays.

That's when I read and enjoy the "Complaint Box" in the Sunday "Metropolitan" section of The New York Times. Today I noticed this note alongside the column itself:

"Steamed? Dish out the peeves. Send your essays of up to 500 words to metropolitan(at)nytimes(dot)com."

If only guidelines that don't specify pay rates didn't peeve me so much!

--Prunella Peeve

All the Single Ladies (and Gents)

In recent times, I've had a number of conversations in which single people have complained about how others treat them. I had been aware that many partnered people are uncomfortable with singletons and try to set them up with romantic partners or don't include them or even just drop them, but I hadn't understood quite to what extent this happens.

Lots of people are single. Many -- perhaps most? -- are happy with this state of affairs (or, rather, this state of lack of affairs). Why should this make paired people uncomfortable?

People should be complete in and of themselves and not only when they are half of a couple. It isn't fair to treat single men and women differently than we would the coupled.

--Curly

Preaching to the Unconverted, Part 2

Sorry, I must continue my rant against missionaries. In my last post, I complained about it on a personal level, but obviously it is a much bigger issue than that. I simply think it is wrong to go to another country/culture believing that you know better than the people there and that you possess the sole truth and must convince those people of it. During history, there have been many examples of people forcing their religion onto others, often using violence to do so, and this has lead to many problems, including the spread of diseases and the loss of languages and cultures and traditions. I think we should all have the right to believe what we want and act however we choose as long as it doesn’t affect anyone else detrimentally. We should respect others and to me it is very disrespectful if we think we have the answers and must convince/force others to believe what we do.

--Curly

Preaching to the Unconverted

I don’t believe in proselytizing (I don’t believe in religion in general, but that’s another story!). I believe in everyone living and let live. I am so tired of missionaries – mostly Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses – coming to my home and bothering me. I try to be polite, but they keep talking and trying to convert me. I don’t like offending people, so I take their materials, but I wish they would leave it at that and go away. Instead, they stay, complimenting me on my smile and my looks, telling me Jesus made me that way and that I need to let Jesus into my heart. Well, religion (or lack thereof) is very personal and I wish others didn’t make it their business to try to convert people.

--Curly

Birthday Blues

I recently had what is considered a milestone birthday. I would like to know why I can’t celebrate my birthday without people reminding me of how old I am getting and how my life is passing me by. Do you think I don’t know that? And is it any of your business anyway what my marital status, child status, career status, or any other status is? Why do people have this urge to tell others what to do all the time? Or is it just the people I know?

--Curly

‘Tisn’t the Season

It isn’t even Halloween yet and once again the Christmas decorations and gifts are already out in stores. Restaurants have been advertising Christmas and New Year’s dinners since late September! What is going on? Can’t we enjoy one season without constantly being reminded of the future?

--Curly

Poor Helpless Women!

I am so tired of people assuming that we women are helpless and unable to handle things. If I am alone, men frequently offer assistance with various things. Sometimes that means helping me with my suitcase, if I am travelling, or giving me directions, if I have stopped walking or driving, but this sort of attention comes in many forms. I don’t notice men helping other men, so it seems to me that they assume that women are more incapable. And I find that annoying.

--Curly

Long Time, No Rant

Long time, no rant. That doesn't mean I'm not peeved, however! I'm always peeved, but I've had a lot of things going on lately, including travel, a major move, and illness. I promise to rant and rave as usual again soon.

--Curly

Lock Block

I have posted some bicycle peeves before, and now I’m back with another one. Why do so few buildings have places where you can lock your bike? Biking is good for the environment and for people’s health, so we should be encouraged to use our bikes when possible. However, it is not easy to bike if you have no place to safely store your wheels while you are attending meetings or doing shopping.

--Curly

Sans Baby

I have posted before about people assuming that all women want to have a baby. Now, almost two years later, I am still peeved about this. The reason my annoyance is not abating is because people won’t stop telling me that my life is not going to be complete without a child.

First of all, it’s none of your damn business. Secondly, you don’t know enough about me or my life to know what will make my life complete.

I’m happy for you if you wanted a child and then had one. But don’t assume that having a child is for everyone.

--Curly

Wash Hands Before Returning to Life

Often, when I am in a public bathroom, I see people who finish in the stall, then simply leave. In other words, they don’t wash their hands. I don’t understand how people can use the toilet and not want to wash their hands afterwards. Ugh!

--Curly

How to Ensure That I Won't Promote Your Site, Book, Business, Etc.

I frequently receive e-mails from writers who'd like me to promote their books, services, courses, Web sites, etc. on my own blog or in my newsletter. One of these requests arrived today. Here are just a couple of reasons why I'm not likely to follow through on the writer's suggestion that her information merits a mention:

1) The subjects she covers in her books/courses (all of which cost good money--tell me about a giveaway or a scholarship and I'm much more interested) are only tangentially related to the material my readers expect me to cover.

2) The links she provided in her initial e-mail to me did not take me directly to the materials she thought I should promote for her. She referred me instead to bigger, not particularly well-organized Web sites where I could not locate two of the three items she had highlighted.

3) When I responded to her e-mail noting that I do not promote materials I have not yet seen myself (this would be her hint to offer me review copies), and telling her about my difficulty locating items on the Web, she wrote back--no salutation--telling me that there shouldn't be any problem with the links, because they work for her. So I had to compose another message re-explaining that the links worked, but did not take me directly to the materials she wanted me to know about.

I think it's pretty safe to say that I won't be promoting this author or her work anytime soon.

--Prunella Peeve

Road Warriors

I am a bicyclist and I have lots of bicycle-related peeves. One is the lack of bicycle paths. Pedestrians and drivers alike complain about bicycles taking up space on the roads. Well, we wouldn’t need to take up pedestrians’ walkways and drivers’ lanes if only there were bicycle paths. Some countries have this and it makes it much easier for people to do the environmentally friendly and healthy thing, i.e. to bicycle without getting in the way of others. It doesn’t seem like it would be all that hard to create such paths elsewhere and it would benefit us all.

--Curly

Speak Differently For Me

I don’t understand this habit of adding the phrase “for me” to requests or questions. The dentist has said to me, “Open your mouth wide for me.” The doctor has said, “Take off your shirt for me.” A waiter has said, “Please move that plate for me.” When returning a car to the car-rental place, the receptionist asked me, “Did you fill up the tank for me?” And so on. I may be facilitating something for the person, but I don’t feel like I am really doing it “for” them. It just seems like more false politeness. Stop using this phrase. Please? For me?

--Curly

The 12 Most Annoying Types of Facebookers

One day, I fear, I will come to this blog and Curly will have posted a peeve about co-bloggers who do not post regularly!

But I am back, and I bring with me this funny (and maybe too true) post about "the 12 most annoying types of Facebookers." I've only been a Facebooker for a relatively short time, but already I've noted many of the types delineated within this article. Which type do you find MOST annoying?

--Prunella

Negative Negotiation

I complained in a previous post about late payments and I want to mention another payment-related peeve here. I quote a price before doing a job and the customer and I agree upon it, as you would expect. What you perhaps wouldn’t expect is that some clients try to renege or re-negotiate after they have gotten the completed assignment from me. You don’t go to a clothing store, look at a price tag, then go up to the cashier and offer a lower price, do you? And you certainly wouldn’t go home with a new dress and then go back to the store and ask for some of the money back, do you? So why do people try that with freelancers and small-business owners?

In my own case, I know I am a bit of a pushover and I am female, so perhaps people want to see how far they can push me. But even so, I don’t know what makes them feel they can even try. If we’ve agreed on a fee, that’s the final fee. Don’t expect a discount, especially after I’ve finished the work.

--Curly

Speaking in Tongues

I have nothing against people slipping foreign words into their writing or conversation, just as I know Prunella doesn’t. In fact, we are known to do it ourselves once in awhile. What I do find annoying – and admittedly this is snobbish of me – is when they mispronounce and/or misuse the word. I think if you aren’t sure how a word should be pronounced or employed, you probably should avoid it and go with a word you are more familiar with. N’est-ce pas?

--Curly

Late Payments

I run my own small business and it frequently annoys me how customers pay their bills late. I usually invoice them within a day of sending them the completed work and I give them a month to pay. And yet they can’t seem to get organized and/or to respect me so they can pay me on time. It is a waste of my time to have to keep reminding them and I find it offensive and obnoxious. You would never go to a grocery store or an antiques shop and take the products and then suggest paying a month or two later, or perhaps not at all.

Prunella knows exactly who I am talking about when I mention a recent situation regarding late payment: I had given a lecture somewhere and they’d know I was coming for months, so you’d think they could have cut a check in advance or at least organized themselves to do so shortly after I’d been there. But, no, I had to keep reminding them to pay me and I finally received a check close to a month later.

I pay my bills on time, but I can’t do so unless my clients pay me on time. So why can’t they show me (and the economy!) some respect and pay their bills in a timely fashion?

--Curly

One Price Is Nice

I travel a lot and as such I have many travel-related peeves that I am sure I will explore on this blog. One is about airline companies’ habit of charging extra for things now (this is especially true in the US, I’ve noticed). You think you are getting a good deal on a flight and then it turns out that it costs extra to check even a single piece of luggage, or to print out your boarding pass (last year, an airline actually charged me an additional $10 because I had not printed the ticket at home in advance, even though they never told me I should do that), or for a sandwich or a drink. My feeling is: just tell me how much the ticket costs, including everything, and stop trying to sneak extra fees in there. It just adds unnecessary stress.

I actually feel this way at restaurants too, incidentally. Now they charge extra for bread and tap water and they try to make more money but charging separately for the main dish, potato/pasta/rice/other starch, and vegetables. Just name the price and stop being sneaky.

--Curly

Double Standards

I was staying over at some friends’ house recently and one of my friends loaned me a book to read before bed. She knows me well and chose wisely: the book was He’s a Stud, She’s a Slut: And 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know, by Jessica Valenti.

This lightly humorous book offers 50 common double standards, explains them, and gives suggestions for what you can do about them. The double standards include: “he can be a beast, she must be a beauty,” “he’s a Romeo, she’s a stalker,” he’s gonna be a success, she’s gonna be a stay-at-home mom,” “he’s hot and heady, she’s brainy or boobilicious,” “he walks freely, she gets harassed,” “he’s neat, she’s neurotic,” “he’s stoic, she’s frigid,” “he’s himself, she’s Mrs. himself,” “he’s the boss, she’s a bitch,” “he’s childless, she’s selfish,” and many more.

Excellent reading for the peeved among us!

--Curly

Memories

Do we all idealize our childhood or early adulthood? Why do so many people think that things were better "back then" or say things such as "those were the days"?

Personally, I am not sure what good it does to think back to better times. And I get a bit tired of people saying how awful life is nowadays. If it's so awful, why don't we do something about it? All times and places have their problems; it isn't helpful to think that the grass was greener, to use a tired cliché, in a previous era.

--Curly

The Royal We

I don't like false politeness and I notice that people seem to think that the royal we is polite. "How are we today?" a waiter might ask. "I hope we have had a nice vacation," the doctor might remark. "What have we been up to?" a colleague might wonder.

Am I alone in disliking the royal we? What do we think about it?

--Curly

Don't Be Rude, Attribute!

OK, so it's not a perfect rhyme, but I'm too steamed right now to wax poetic anyway. As I imagine I may have mentioned earlier on this blog, I routinely produce a free newsletter. Each issue is prefaced with a copyright notice and a specific request to forward the newsletter in its entirety if people wish to share it.

And yet, I have very often found segments of my newsletter simply cut and pasted and shared with others, WITHOUT ATTRIBUTION, on Listservs/discussion groups to which I belong. With the most recent issue, this has already happened twice (by two individual errant posters). Worse, the moderator does not seem to be posting my polite notes to the group pointing out where the material came from.

I've already written to each of the errant posters. One has already responded and apologized. I should be fair and give the other one much more time to respond before rendering any judgments on that situation.

But really, people, what is so hard about this? DO NOT CUT AND PASTE OTHER PEOPLE'S WORK, ESPECIALLY WITHOUT APPROPRIATE ATTRIBUTION.

It's really very simple. Not to mention ethical. And polite.

--Pru

Sugar and Spice and All Things Nice

This is a pretty general rant about how parents raise daughters. I'm not a parent, but I am a daughter, and I wish girls weren't raised to be nice and to always feel like they have to please others.

I'm sure there are parents who raise their daughters differently and perhaps things are changing now, but I nevertheless feel that I have not been served well by this kind of upbringing. I have a lot of trouble saying "no", I don't know what it means to live for myself, and I can't express my own opinions well, especially if I disagree with someone who has a stronger personality (note the anonymity of this blog!).

I hope this generation of girls will grow up to be independent and that they will learn that they only have to please themselves.

--Curly

"Thanks" for Reading

We already link to the "Blog" of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks, but I just had an urge to point it out. On a trip last month, I walked down a street where nearly every store and restaurant had unnecessary quotation marks.

"Thanks" for shopping here.

Come "back" soon.

"Enjoy" our gym.

Coffee and "tea" available.

Why oh why do people add these unnecessary quote marks?

--Curly

Stinkfoot

It really peeves me when people take off their shoes in public, especially when they then put their (often smelly, often dirty) feet up on chairs where others will later sit.

At home, I almost never wear shoes. But that's my own private area and I can do what is most comfortable for me. But in public, I keep my shoes on. And I wish others would do the same, so I can avoid breathing in their yucky odors.

--Curly

What the Hell is Wrong with People?

People sometimes claim that anti-Semitism is a thing of the past. The recent tragedy at the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum should remind us all that this is not the case. Today it seems politically acceptable, if not quite politically correct, to criticize Jews (and while I think it is fine to discuss and criticize Israel's policies, many don't seem to understand that it is in fact anti-Semitic to make anti-Jewish remarks, and that all Jews, whether Israeli or not, do not necessarily agree with Israel's governemnt. Duh!). And I think it is only one small step from nasty remarks and harsh criticism to violence.

I grew up in the 1980s and faced plenty of anti-Semitism then. In recent years, too, I've had to deal with many ignorant or cruel comments. And I'm not the only one. Clearly, this is still a problem. The Holocaust, in a sense, is not a thing of the past.

I realize I am rambling a bit in this post, but what I want to say is that we must combat anti-Semitism through education and we must also deal with deranged people and not let them continue to threaten people's well-being and peace-of-mind.

--Saddened Curly

A Trove of E-mail Peeves

Curly and I are both attuned to the many peeves associated with e-mail. Here's a great post from a publishing professional on the subject, complete with a lengthy comment thread in which readers post about the e-mail traits that most annoy them, too. A feast!

--Prunella Peeve

Feeling Lucky

I certainly don't suffer from triskaidekaphobia, but many people seem to. I can't understand why so many buildings don't have 13th floors or hotels have room numbers such as 113, 213, 313, and so forth. They might call a floor the 14th, but that doesn't change that it actually is the 13th. And room 414 is most likely the 13th in a row, not the 14th. Why are people so superstitious? And why can't they realize that changing the name of something doesn't change what it really is?

--Curly

The Family That Pees Together...

I have no children, as is obvious from some of my posts, but certain child-related things peeve me nonetheless. I wonder why there are no "family toilets" in public places. Mothers can bring their sons and daughters into the women's bathroom with them, but it is frowned upon if fathers bring their daughters into the men's bathroom. Somehow it is acceptable for little boys to see the women's room, but not for little girls to see the men's room.

The only option is the handicapped facility, if indeed one exists. What is a single father or a father (or other male relative/friend) to do if he is out with a little girl who needs help in the bathroom? Why not have family-friendly restrooms, where families can have privacy and space to do what they need to?

-Curly

Baby Craze

This post may sound sort of judgmental and I apologize in advance for that. It’s just kind of frustrating to have so many female friends who get degrees from Ivy League or Seven Sisters universities, who talk about wanting to have careers, who try to crack the glass ceilings in their various fields, only to give it all up and stay home with their children.

Of course raising children is important work. I guess I just feel sort of disappointed that so many talented, educated women who could have a real influence on the world still see their main roles as being in the home. Couldn’t they share the child-rearing with their partners? Couldn’t companies be more child-friendly? Does something really change for women so they want nothing but to be mommies? Why does it seem that even in this day and age we are still living in a man’s world?

--Curly

Best Before

How much attention should we pay to expiration dates? Are they overly conservative? I have been told that we needn't follow them exactly, but have we been trained by the grocery industry to follow them too strictly, thus leading us to waste lots of food and spending excess money buying new products? I have my suspicions.

--Curly

Just Not That Into It

I admit that not long ago I saw the silly romantic comedy “He’s Just Not Into You.” That film could get me ranting for ages. First of all, the women are always referred to as girls. Second of all, they are portrayed as desperate; they are not happy unless they are in a relationship. They also act like they have to “trap” a man and convince him to be with them. They don’t “get” men and need to have men explained to them, while men apparently understand women just fine. Finally, marriage is considered the ultimate goal for all male-female relationships. One couple in the movie live together quite happily and they seem to recognize that a wedding is not necessary; but, no, it turns out the woman actually wants marriage. In the end, she gets her wedding.

What is wrong with living together? What is wrong with some people being single? Why are women seen as confused, needy girls who must have men in order to be fulfilled?

--Curly

The Chicken Trend

It must be a new trend to consider chicken vegetarian food. A recipe I saw recently was labeled “vegetarian” and yet one of the ingredients was chicken stock. Hmm.

--Curly

(De)construction

I walked by a construction site late at night. There was a fence set up around the site and lots of warning signs about how dangerous it was to try to go in there. And yet a group of teenagers (not surprisingly, they all had cans of beer in their hands) seemed to find it very amusing to climb over the fence and sneak into the site. Then they proceeded to wreck havoc by throwing pieces of construction materials at one another and push large garbage cans over, spilling waste. As usual, I couldn’t help but think about how sad so many people are.

--Curly

Here Come the Idiots

At my local library, there is a special shelf with a label “Here Come the Girls!” The books on that shelf are primarily by Virginia Woolf, Iris Murdoch, Isabel Allende, and a couple of “chick-lit” writers. This is offensive on a number of levels. First of all, these are women, NOT girls. Also, are these really the main, or the best, examples of female authors? Are there no other authors who can represent womankind? And why is that needed, anyway? There is no equivalent shelf called “Here Come the Boys!” What is the library thinking?

--Curly

Fine, Don't Be My Friend

A couple of months ago, I wrote a sincere message to someone I was genuinely sorry to have fallen out of touch with. I invited this person to be my "friend" on one of the big social media sites, adding that I'd be glad to be able to follow news in this person's life/work more closely. This person accepted the invitation, though never wrote a message back.

Today, I saw that my "friend" count on the site had fallen--by one person. It didn't take me long to realize that the one who had "unfriended" me was the same person who'd accepted that honest, well-meaning invitation.

I'm fine with people choosing not to be my friend. I just wish they could be honest from the get-go. Telling me if there's something specific I've done to annoy or antagonize them would also be appreciated. I think it's rude to simply drop people in an obvious, traceable, and yet nondirect way. Like "unfriending" them.

--Prunella

Setting Things Straight

As a curly-haired woman, I get extremely annoyed at the idea that all hair should be shiny, slick, and, yes, straight. I can’t even count all the times I’ve seen a television commercial or an advertisement in a publication that shows “before” and “after” views of a woman. Before, she has tangled and coarse curly hair. After she has used some fancy product or been to a certain salon, she has a waterfall of straight locks. Clearly the idea is that straight and shiny is always preferably to a thick bird’s nest of curls. Hmph. Personally, I prefer my curls and I wish other curly-headed types would revel in their natural looks as well.

--Curly

The Cure

What the hell is the matter with people who create and spread computer viruses? Why would anyone think this is entertaining? I have had to spend hours, days even, trying to get viruses off my computer and I am still having problems. I can not seem to completely cure my poor computer. Why are people such jerks?

--Curly

Let There Be Light

I have never understood why so many bathrooms, especially in certain European and Asian countries, have their light switches outside the bathroom. Why does that make sense? The switch should be inside the room that it is meant to light up. Am I the only one to find this arrangement odd?

--Curly

iSlap

I was in line at the grocery store. The man behind me was "entertaining" his long-suffering, eyeball-rolling girlfriend with the following:

"Apple should create the iFart. Haha! You press a button and it makes all sorts of farting noises. Wouldn't that be great? Haha!"

He then proceeded to demonstrate the kind of flatulent noises Apple could include. The line at the store moved slowly and I had to stand there listening to him for ten minutes, which made me wish that Apple had a program called iSlap. It could not only make slapping noises but also actually slap annoying people. Haha.

--Curly

Piqued About Peaked

Yes, Curly and I are so peeve-prone that we still rant away in our own e-mail correspondence. Recently, I used the word "piqued" (as in, "Have I piqued your interest?") in a message to Curly, who responded with a note about how irked she is when she sees "peaked" in "piqued"'s place. To which I say: moi aussi!

--Prunella

All About Baby

I like children just as much as the next person and I am always interested in hearing about people's kids and seeing pictures of them. However, I think things are going way too far when proud parents set up blogs devoted entirely to their children, with new posts several times a day.

Ooh, the baby said a word! Look, here's a picture of the baby in the bath! The baby burped! The baby is smiling! The baby is now toilet-trained! And so on.

The thing is, it's fine to want to remember your child's special moments, but is everyone else supposed to be just as interested? I'm really expected to read each post and comment on it? And if I don't, you take offense?

Come on! Just as I don't have the time or the interest to hear about every single thing going on in my friends' lives, I certainly don't have the time or the interest for their children's lives. Sorry, but time is limited.

Not to mention that later on, your child might resent that his/her every move was recorded and published for the world to see.

--Curly

Annoying and Awkward

When I was assaulted, I was so ashamed, as I mentioned in my last post, and that made me not sure if I should tell anyone. Finally, I told a couple of close friends by email. Most sent back only a sentence or two in response, saying that the situation must have been “annoying” or “awkward”, and then they proceeded to tell me what was going on in their lives.

It’s annoying when you order one dish at a restaurant and instead are given another one. It’s awkward when you try to make a joke and no one laughs. It’s not annoying or awkward when someone sexually assaults you. It is disgusting. It is upsetting. It is humiliating. It is wrong. It is traumatizing. It is many things. But awkward or annoying are not words I’d use to describe it.

What kind of response is that to give to a friend who has been hurt in this way and who has chosen to share it with you?

--Curly

Help! Anybody? Anybody?

I didn’t know where to turn to when I was assaulted. I was ashamed (why I felt so disgusted by and ashamed of myself when I was the victim although I didn’t feel that way when, for example, I was robbed is a different, but interesting topic) and scared and I was in a foreign country where I couldn’t speak the language and where my English didn’t get me very far. I tentatively tried to talk to a few people, to try to figure out what to do and how to handle this situation, but no one seemed interested or willing to help. That just increased my feeling of being alone and helpless. Why did no one want to help me?

--Curly

No Means No

As I mentioned in my last post, I was sexually assaulted on a trip not that long ago. It didn’t happen once or even twice. No, it happened three times over the course of two days, because the man in question unfortunately managed to find me even after I’d run off. There are so many things I’d like to say about this event, but the obvious first one is that if someone says no, it means no. It is not an invitation to tighten your grip on the person and touch him/her where s/he says s/he doesn’t want to be touched. And then later, don’t complain that you can’t control yourself. You can, you just chose not to. Think about the word no. It doesn’t mean yes.

--Curly

When Everything Goes Wrong

On a recent vacation, just about everything that could go wrong did (except for robbery, but don’t worry, I already experienced that on another trip). There were delays (see my last post), heating didn’t work, there was no good food or, to be more precise, no good food for vegetarians, I got stuck in several major rainstorms that hampered my sight-seeing opportunities, and, worst of all, I was sexually assaulted. More on that last one in the near future but for now, let me just whine and rant at my bad fortune.

--Curly

Information, Please

It is super annoying when you’re on a train or plane or other type of transportation and there is a delay, but no one bothers to tell you what is causing the problem and how long the delay is expected to last. When the delay is very long, one would like to think there might be apologies along with the explanations and that perhaps customers might be offered some food to tide them over or the use of a telephone, in case they need to reach anyone who might be waiting for them at the end of the journey.

--Curly

Atheist Jew

I have complained on this blog before about religious people and their lack of understanding for atheists. I find this is especially challenging for people because I identify myself as an atheist Jew. This means that I don't believe in a god but that I do feel a connection to my Jewish background and that I choose to perpetuate this connection even if I don't believe in all the aspects of the Jewish religion. I was glad to see that there are others who think the same way I do and I hope we'll be able to teach others about our beliefs, or, more accurately, our lack thereof.

--Curly

Androphobes

Some of my lesbian friends tell me that they often have to deal with the assumption that they are man-haters. How hard is to understand that just because a woman is attracted to other women doesn't mean that she hates men? No one assumes that if a woman is heterosexual she must hate other women, right? And similarly, people don't seem to make such assumptions about men, whether gay, straight, bi, or other. Sure, there have been some lesbian separatists who prefer not to socialise with or live near or have any other real connection with men. But most lesbians are not man-haters.

--Curly

Reading for Ranters: 11,002 Things to be Miserable About

Imagine Prunella's interest upon discovering a new book: 11,002 Things to Be Miserable About, by the sibling pair of Lia Romeo and Nick Romeo. Even better, the authors have a Web site, where you can sign up to receive a message about the "miserable thing of the day."

--Prunella

One Reason I Left Full-time Teaching

So it wasn't just my imagination. The maddening sense of entitlement--sheer entitlement to high grades--which so many of my students seemed to bring to my classrooms when I began teaching really was the start of something. Something infinitely more insidious than anything I'd seen among my own undergraduate cohort a decade earlier. I thank The New York Times for exposing "student expectations" as the source of the problem.

--Prunella

Scarf Face

Related to my last post about Israel, I want to mention my annoyance at people wearing "Palestine scarves". You know, the keffiyeh that Yasser Arafat often wore. It's become both a trend and a political statement to wear one and many young Westerners wear it in solidarity with Arabs, even though they frequently can't clearly state what it is supposed to represent or why they support only Arabs and not peace in general, for all of those in the Middle East.

--Curly

What We Talk About When We Talk About Israel

During the sad events in Israeli, I've been annoyed, though not surprised, that news coverage has been more or less one-sided, as Pru will surely attest. What's additionally irritating is the way people (i.e. my friends, colleagues, and acquaintances) talk about the situation.

Many people feel able to pronounce on what's going on in Israel without having any real knowledge or information, in a way they wouldn't about, say, a war in an African country or a situation in Asia. What's more, people can't seem to distinguish between Jews and Israelis, making many of their comments blatantly anti-Semitic.

--Curly

Seasonal Attire

I so often see people dressed improperly for cold weather (wearing, for example, sleeveless tops or shorts or going without coats) and then they complain about feeling chilled. My feeling is that you dress for the weather; if you don't, you have only yourself to blame.

--Curly

Chicken Ain't Nothing But a Bird

Related to my last post complaining about vegetarian food on planes, I have to mention an interesting vegetarian meal I got on my most recent flight. It included chicken! Apparently chicken is a vegetable and not a bird -- the things you learn!

And no, the airline didn't apologize for the mistake, but they reluctantly gave me a new meal.

--Curly

On Writing Contests That Are Truly Popularity Contests

I spend a lot of time learning about (and sometimes, even entering) writing contests. There's one kind of contest I just won't enter. I try not to promote this sort of contest to other writers, either (unless there's some really extenuating circumstance). The contest type in question is far less a writing contest than it is a popularity contest.

Such contests award prizes on the basis of electronic "votes" from readers. Trouble is, it's pretty easy to envision people with large and devoted families (and/or Facebook followings) "scripting" their own wins, regardless of the quality of their work.

What do you think of such contests?

--Prunella

Where's the Sweet?

I travel a lot and I am a vegetarian. I always order a vegetarian meal on planes.

Why oh why do vegetarian meals rarely include dessert and why do they give margarine instead of butter? We may not eat animals, but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy the good things in life!

--Curly

Pru Lives!

Just a note of reassurance to anyone who may be wondering if Prunella Peeve is still alive and kicking. Yes, indeed, she is (I am). Seems as though I haven't had a whole lot to gripe about lately, but just give me time!

--Prunella Peeve

Get off the Phone!

It's well-known that I'm not a fan of cell phones. I have no great desire to hear people's stupid conversations all day long, but I have unfortunately gotten somewhat used to the fact that I find people using their cells everywhere these days: movie theaters, the quiet compartments on trains, concerts, even in bathrooms. Some months ago, I was at a poetry reading and not just one but several audience members were on their phones while the poet was reading. Aren't things going too far? What happened to politeness?

--Curly

Easy-to-Read

I am a doctoral student in a field within the humanities and as such, I have to read theory. My peeve is that a lot of theory seems to be purposely written in a dense, confusing style. Why can’t people write clearly? My theory about that is that either people think they sound smarter when they use big words or complex concepts or that they are trying to hide the fact that they actually have nothing to say. I’ve been praised for my simple-to-understand style, although I was also warned that people may be so taken aback by it that they may assume I’m not intelligent or well-spoken. What a strange state of affairs it is when big words are thought to equal big ideas, when often it is quite the opposite.
--Curly

Curly Curmudgeon is a Scrooge

I like how thoughtful people can be, sending cards out and exchanging gifts during the holidays, but I wonder whether it wouldn’t actually be better to donate the money they would have spent on cards and presents to charity. I feel like a curmudgeon when someone gives me a gift or a card and I have nothing to give them back (except for baked goods, which I tend to produce and share frequently), but I prefer to save up that money and donate it to charity instead. Still, I tend to bow to the demands of polite society.

For example, I sponsor a child in Ethiopia. The amount I spend on that per month definitely exceeds what I spend on gifts, but if I felt less societal pressure to give people cards and gifts, I could donate even more money to charities and help them make a difference in the world. Isn’t that more important?

--Curly