S'il Vous Plaît

As the holiday season is upon us, many people are having parties. I, too, have hosted a couple of gatherings, and, not surprisingly, some things have peeved me.

It is a big peeve when people either a) don't RSVP or b) say they will come and then don't and don't bother to let the host know. Remember that people who are hosting an event need to have fairly firm figures, especially if said event includes food and drink, as ingredients must be purchased. It is a simple courtesy to let people know if you are coming or not. Sure, you may be holding out for some better invitation to come along, but in that case, say you’re not going. If that’s your attitude, you probably won’t be a fun guest anyway.

So respondez s'il vous plaît!

--Curly

Getting Pissed

I know that a lot of young people haven't had much experience drinking and they feel it is exciting to try it out and also that they may need some "liquid courage" as they start university and/or embark on their social lives, but...why do they have to drink to get drunk? Why do I see so many people out on the weekends, throwing up in the streets, acting foolishly and dangerously, and doing things they might likely regret later? Why can't people learn their own limits?

--Curly

A Little Gratitude, Please!

This is a peeve somewhat related to Curly's post here. The new angle is this: When I see that a former classmate, colleague, or teacher has published a book or won a big prize, I'm often moved to write a note congratulating that person. Right away.

But you'd be amazed how often the messages go unanswered, or are answered only after quite a delay. (Or maybe you wouldn't be so amazed. Maybe this is even more common than I realize.)

So here's my message for all those big shots out there: If you're too busy/important to acknowledge little ol' me and my good wishes, you can bet you won't hear from me the next time. (If there is a next time!) So there!

--Prunella

Letting the Cat out of the Bag

I have complained a little before about people stating the obvious. But since I apparently like to complain, I’ll mention it again.

My eyes are a somewhat odd green-hazel-yellow color. I can’t even count the number of times someone has looked at me in shock and said, “Your eyes are yellowish! You look like a cat!”

If only someone could come up with a fresh metaphor! Or if only people didn’t have to point out things that surely, in the course of the decades I’ve been alive, I’ve noticed. It’s not news to me that I have unusual, cat-like eyes; no one’s letting the cat out of the bag, so to speak.

--Curly

Why the Delay?

A piece of writing I expected to see published at the end of the summer/early fall at the latest (it was written and submitted in June) has yet to see the light of day in print. I've followed up a few times with my editor, but I hate the sense that I'm "nagging." I wish the editor would just let the contributors know what is happening. Why the delay? When can we expect to receive the magazine with our work? Will it happen this calendar year?

--Prunella

Clean it up!

Why oh why can’t people clean up after their dogs? It is so disgusting to walk down the street and see slimy piles of dog shit all over the place, and it is annoying to have to watch where you step all the time. If you have a pet, take care of its messes!

--Curly

The Stepford Season

I know I've complained about the Christmas season before, but I can't help bringing it up again.

I was walking downtown on a chilly winter late afternoon and I saw all these Christmas lights and decorations and the streets were filled with blank-eyed people madly buying presents, their arms loaded down with plastic bags, and there was something so depressing about the scene, and its heavy overtones of expectations. We are expected to buy and to feel joy and I wish everything would be calmer and we could just enjoy spending time together without all the pressures of the season.

--Curly

Let's Talk About Sexuality

Someone recently complained that I talk about being bisexual too much. It is pretty common to hear that people don't mind queers, as long as they don't have to listen to them talking about their sexuality or their relationships.

The thing is, though, that since people are assumed to be straight, if those of us who are not don't say anything to the contrary, we just help continue those assumptions, thereby making anything other than heterosexuality seem strange or uncommon. I have no interest in boring people with talk about sexuality or my feelings or anything, but I think we all should have an interest in making others more aware of the incredible variation that exists in human sexuality.

--Curly

Ignorance is Astounding Yet Again

I am constantly amazed at people's ignorance, although I suppose by now I shouldn't be.

Recently, it came up in a conversation that I was not straight. The woman I was talking to looked at me in astonishment and said, "But you don't *look* gay!" Then she proceeded to say she didn't understand how relationships between women could possibly be emotionally or sexually satisfying.

She said in her experience, a woman needed a man with a penis in order to have a good romantic relationship. I explained that not everyone feels that way all the time, but she just didn't get it.

How hard is it to understand that some people who may not look stereotypically queer might need or choose to have same-sex relationships and might find them satisfying?

--Curly

Busy Moms Revolt

I was flipping through a food magazine the other day and noticed an advertisement for detergent. Food can drop onto clothes and tablecloths, so it makes sense that there are such ads in a food magazine. But the caption stopped me.

It started off by saying how quick-acting this detergent was and then explaining that that’s why “busy moms” choose this product.

Busy moms? Are they the only ones doing the laundry? What about dads? Or are they too busy with their jobs to help out at home (which includes by implication from these kinds of ads cooking, child-minding while cooking and eating, doing laundry, shopping for household products, etc.)? And is this detergent not good for people without kids, too?

You may think I am overwrought about this. But I have noticed many, many such ads that focus on moms, especially busy ones. Are we still at a point in time where women (especially mothers) are responsible for the home?

--Curly

Writers' Rants

Late last week The Renegade Writer blog provided some virtual space for writers to air some rants. See what peeves that blog's readers here.

--Pru

Not in the Spirit

Oh yes, it’s that time again. My local grocery store has already packed the “seasonal items” aisle with Christmas products and other stores are getting into the spirit. Since when did Christmas become a two- or three-month-long event?

--Curly

A Peevish Professor Speaks Out--And Suffers for It

Where to begin with this one? I'd have to quote nearly the entire essay to show how much of Professor "Smith"'s experience resonates with me, the many ways in which his disillusionment with college teaching echoes my own record. Instead of quoting, I'll just refer you to the full piece.

I guess I'm happy he's the one who penned it and I did not. That's because he really suffers some strongly-worded negative comments from readers. I guess not everyone takes peeves and rants with the consistent good humor Curly and I do! ;-)

--Prunella

The Elders of Zion are at it Again

So today is the election in the U.S. As of this writing, I don’t know who will win, even though the polls seem to be predicting Barack Obama. Many people outside the U.S. seem to find the idea that we could elect a black person to be president surprising, as Nicholas Kristof reports in this article. Why is that? Well, Kristof writes:

“Remember that the one thing countless millions of people around the world “know” about the United States is that it is controlled by a cabal of white bankers and Jews who use police with fire hoses to repress blacks.”

I still remember when I lived in a country in Europe and was asked, in a very serious tone, “You’re Jewish, right? So is it true that Jews own and run America?” The person who asked me this genuinely wanted to know.

A century after the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, why do we still have to deal with these stereotypes and accusations?

--Curly

In the Pink or Seeing Red?

To follow up on that last post, why are so many objects for girls/women, whether sex toys, clothes, or anything else, pink? I can’t be the only one tired of the idea that pink is for girls and blue for boys. Is there some rule that says that women have to find pink appropriate, sweet, sexy, even erotic?

--Curly

Doing it like (or with) Rabbits

Why do so many sex toys for women look like animals? I know that there’s the idea that women find animals cute, but does that mean that they want to see or feel animalesque items pressed against or into their genitals?

Why in the world is the rabbit such a popular design for vibrators? Does anyone actually believe that women get turned on by the thought of a bunny rubbing its ears against their clits? And what is going on with the recent popularity of dolphins? Do women really feel an urge to have dolphins nosing up to them, buzzing away? I just find the animal toys disturbing, not erotic.

At least there are no dog-shaped toys (yet). But maybe that’s because dogs are man’s best friend, not woman’s.

--Curly

When Is Good Enough Good Enough?

So I have high expectations for myself. I was raised that way and I can't seem to get out of the habit of defining myself and my self-worth by what I accomplish (see last post about being unable to relax!). But I wonder: when is something truly good enough? When is good enough actually good enough? When will I ever be pleased with something I do?

--Curly

Fellow Ranter: Grammarblog

Welcome to my latest discovery of a site after our own peevish hearts: Grammarblog. Subtitled "Putting an End to Apostrophe Abuse," this site also shares our frustrations with many other textual mistakes. Check it out here.

--Prunella

Can't Get No...Relaxation...

I have good intentions. I think I'll be more social, go out and do things with people, etc. But somehow, I seem to find it too difficult or tiring to leave the house. I suspect good old Prunella is the same way, right, Pru?

So I guess I am peeved with myself. Why is it easier to stay in and work than to go out and enjoy myself? And for that matter, why can't I relax when I am at home?

--Curly

Oh Friend, Where Art Thou?

One thing that has often puzzled and, yes, annoyed me is that people aren't very good about staying in touch. With email, things are so much easier. You needn't have to write a letter (whether in longhand or on a computer), print it out, address an envelope, find a stamp or go to the post office, and post the letter in a mailbox. It's just a matter of writing and email and sending it off.

I admit that I am usually quite good about responding to emails. Some would say too good, in that I try to respond within the day. If I am travelling, I have an auto-response to that effect, but I still make the effort to respond in a timely fashion. Maybe that's annoying. Maybe people think I write back too quickly.

But why are so many other people the opposite of timely? And why do they take so much time to respond, or even not respond at all, if we are discussing more serious matters? I mean, sure, it takes more time to respond, but it is so hurtful when one tells a friend something personal and/or important and then waits eagerly for a reply that never comes (or finally comes but ignores that part of the message). If people feel it is too hard to find something to say in response, perhaps they shouldn't ask about personal matters or profess to be a person's friend. And, no, this doesn't just happen to me, so I don't think it's just a matter of people not liking me!

So this is a double peeve, really. Why don't people write back in a timely manner? And why do they often ignore the deeper parts of a message? Don't they realize that that makes the recipent feel sad and uncared-for? Is it so much harder to be a friend via email?

--Curly

Stay Away from Elderspeak

From today's New York Times:

Professionals call it elderspeak, the sweetly belittling form of address that has always rankled older people: the doctor who talks to their child rather than to them about their health; the store clerk who assumes that an older person does not know how to work a computer, or needs to be addressed slowly or in a loud voice. Then there are those who address any elderly person as “dear.”

Read more about what can peeve older people here.

--Prunella

I Didn’t Like It, Part 2

I’m not the only one not to like Katy Perry’s song “I Kissed a Girl…and I Liked It”. Those fundamentalist Christians (including Perry’s own parents!) are at it again, this time by saying “I Kissed a Girl…and Then I Went to Hell”. Gotta love those homophobes. Or not. I definitely won’t be kissing them!

--Curly

I Didn’t Like It

I can’t be the only queer lady annoyed with the Katy Perry song “I Kissed a Girl…and I Liked It”. First of all, we already know how I feel about calling women “girls”. Beyond that, the whole premise is irritating. In stereotypical “het chick” fashion, the narrator has to be drunk before she tries out a woman (she “got so brave drinking”). Then, she goes on to romanticize women: women are “magical”, have “soft skin”, and “kissable” lips, among other things. At the end of the video for the song (in which she is rubbing a cat), she wakes up and is relieved to find herself in bed next to her boyfriend, having dreamt about kissing a woman, but apparently happy not to have actually done it.

Sure, the tune is catchy, at least for a pop song. But are these the kind of lyrics we queers really need?

--Curly

Happy Birthday!

Happy first birthday, Peeves and Rants! With best wishes for many more years of rants and whines!

More Agents' Pet Peeves

Chuck Sambuchino is back with another serving of ways to tick off a literary agent (this time, worldwide). Remember, we already pointed you to similar content last month.

--Prunella

The Snobby Language Maven

I don’t live in my native country and, as such, I use a somewhat different form of English than the residents of my current home do. Nevertheless, we understand each other, without (too many) problems.

So I don’t appreciate it when people snobbily correct me and point out, “Here, we don’t say ‘X’, we say ‘Y.’” I mean, I like learning these things, but some people are just plain rude about it. One such person is a doctor I’ve seen a couple of times. I’ve seen him under bad circumstances, i.e. I’ve been sick and/or suffering. But each time I’ve met him, he has felt the need to make some comment about my English and how it is the wrong form of the language and how only his kind of English is correct.

Um, what? Has he never heard of different dialects? And, more importantly, does he think that a doctor’s office is really an appropriate place to criticize my grammar or word choices? What a snob!

--Curly

Where There’s Smoke…

Like a lot of young people, I’ve smoked. It’s a (bad) social habit and it can be quite pleasant, especially at coffee shops or clubs. Sometimes I miss it (especially those Indonesian cloves I used to enjoy – and yes, I know how bad they are, so there’s no need to tell me), but I know I am – and the people around me are – much better off without the smoking habit.

I wish people who smoked wouldn’t endanger the health of other people by smoking around them. Society is making some advances, such as by not allowing smoking in hospitals or other public buildings or within a certain distance of the doors to such buildings, but not enough, and many smokers seem to just ignore these rules anyway. I can’t even mention how many times I’ve seen smokers smoking by big, blatant non-smoking signs!

Please follow the rules and don’t smoke in non-smoking areas. Don’t make me breathe your second-hand smoke when I have the right to breathe clean, fresh air.

And confidential to my landlord: could you please stop smoking in the house and letting your cigarette smoke come upstairs? I’m not paying to live in second-hand smoke, am I?

--Curly

Artful Ranting

With apologies for the political content, I just have to applaud the deft and artful way George Sanders makes his point about certain language challenges in this week's New Yorker "Shouts and Murmurs" column.

--Prunella

The College Industry

I often think that in western countries, we put too much emphasis on college. We act like a college degree is a real necessity for life. Sure, in some professions, it is. But really, we have made it into an industry without thinking clearly about it.

In my opinion, we don’t value technical/mechanical jobs highly enough and we make people feel that they haven’t succeeded (or they can’t get a job) if they don’t have a BA. I was interested in this article, which suggests a system of certification as a replacement for some BA programs. This idea is a bit extreme, but I do think we need a significant overhaul of the college industry. Too many people are going and not getting much out of it when they could be working and/or contributing to society in other ways, and feeling better about themselves, too.

--Curly

Some of My Best Friends Are…

In a number of ways and in many situations, I’m a minority (i.e. I’m not a white, straight, Christian male). Sometimes I’m the “token” person of my type. That’s generally okay, but what I don’t like is when people get into that whole “I know someone like you and I really don’t mind your people” routine.

There’s a difference between trying to connect with someone and being patronizing. It can feel patronizing when someone says, “I don’t mind blacks/Jews/atheists/gays/whatever” or “I have friends who are Hispanic/bi/Muslim/etc.” It can also feel patronizing when people start listing the things they know, or think they know, about “your people”. It can also be patronizing when someone says, “Oh, let me introduce you to so-and-so. You’ll get along because you’re both foreigners/transgender/pagans/etc.”

You don’t have to prove how liberal or accepting you are. Sometimes by trying to prove that, you just end up proving the opposite; in other words, you make a fool of yourself and show how hyper-aware of differences you really are.

--Curly

Yo!

I’m all for informality with friends, but I confess to preferring a more mannered form of language in professional situations. Thus, I find it annoying when people say or write “Hey” or “Yo” or similar expressions in work environments.

I once had a student who sent me an email that started with “Yo chick!” After I saw that, he lost any respect I had for him (which wasn’t much anyway, as he had evidenced odd and unsuitable behavior at earlier times as well). Of course, I turned it into a teaching opportunity and we discussed appropriate, polite salutations, but I still couldn’t help but feel that a person who doesn’t understand why addressing a message to his or her teacher as “Dear Mr./Ms. X” is more appropriate than than “Yo chick” is not going to make a good impression on the professional world.

Yo, do you get what I’m saying?
--Curly

Shoes Are Not Optional

Yesterday I was in my apartment building elevator when, to my surprise, another tenant walked on bearing a pile of laundry destined for the common laundry room. I wasn't surprised that someone else had entered the elevator, or that he was evidently in the process of doing his laundry. What did shock me was that he walked onto the elevator barefoot.

That reminded me of a peeve dating back to my last writing retreat. All of the artists/writers met at the dining table three times a day for meals. One of the artists routinely showed up barefoot. I hated sitting next to him. I like to choose the people I share meals with barefoot. I don't like to have them make that decision for me.

--Prunella

Where’s the Dessert?

As a vegetarian, I naturally always order vegetarian meals for my flights. What I never understand is why the vegetarian meals come with vegetable spread instead of butter and why they so often have no dessert. First of all, I am not a vegan, so I do eat dairy products, and I think butter tastes so much better than some oil-based spread. And more importantly, do people think that just because I don’t eat meat I can’t possibly want a good dessert? Let me tell you, we vegetarians do enjoy the good things in life, including dessert; we just do it meat-free.

--Curly

Let’s Talk About Politics, Baby

Political views are very personal. An old chestnut has it that you shouldn’t discuss religion or politics with people.

So I never quite understand why some people immediately start to talk about politics, even if they don’t know you well. I find that this is especially the case if one of the people involved in the conversation is an American, as many then seem to automatically assume that the United States’ foreign policy is an excellent topic of discussion. Furthermore, many also seem to automatically assume that everyone shares the opinion that the U.S. is an awful place with stupid people and ridiculous policies.

It may be that everyone taking part in the discussion does actually think that way. But regardless of that, it doesn’t seem to be so polite or friendly to immediately start picking on someone’s homeland, particularly if that person has not first brought up the topic him- or herself. It can just lead to awkward conversations and hurt feelings.

--Curly

The Princess Hide

Many months ago now, I met a young gay boy. His religious family was strongly anti-gay and he felt unable to tell people about his homosexuality. On a social networking site, he had a list of his favorite movies and this included “The Princess Bride”. Beside his list of movies, some of which might be considered to be “chick flicks”, he wrote: “I’m not gay, honest!”

Does this strike anyone else as very sad?

--Curly

How to Annoy an Agent

Apparently the team at Writer's Digest has an article coming soon on "literary agents' chapter 1 pet peeves," featuring what agents really and truly "hate to see in chatper 1." And apparently there was too much information to include in said article. So you'll find some of it here.

--Prunella

Some Like It Hot

Where others have a sweet tooth, I have a spice tooth. I love my food spicy. People have watched in shock and disgust as I pour half a bottle of Tabasco sauce over my food or as I sprinkled dried hot chili flakes on top of whatever I happen to be eating. Sometimes, I think my culinary heaven might be a place where I am chowing down, tears running down my cheeks, my mouth on fire. On second thought, maybe hell would be a better place for me.

But instead, what actually makes me want to cry is spicy food that is anything but. I go to restaurants that offer warnings on their menus. Three printed chili peppers next to the name of a dish indicate that the food is fiery, perhaps only edible by natives or by people crazy enough to think they can handle it. Naturally, I order it. And what do I get? Food that I wouldn’t even label medium-hot.

Come on! I’m a real spice girl (despite my dislike for the word “girl”) and we like it hot! Spice it up!

--Curly

A Plethora of Peeves

From one of the Chronicle of Higher Education's contributors:

It is my job, as I see it, to combat ignorance and foster the skills and knowledge needed to produce intelligent, ethical, and productive citizens. I see too many students who are:

*Primarily focused on their own emotions — on the primacy of their "feelings" — rather than on analysis supported by evidence.

*Uncertain what constitutes reliable evidence, thus tending to use the most easily found sources uncritically.

*Convinced that no opinion is worth more than another: All views are equal.

*Uncertain about academic honesty and what constitutes plagiarism. (I recently had a student defend herself by claiming that her paper was more than 50 percent original, so she should receive that much credit, at least.)

*Unable to follow or make a sustained argument.

*Uncertain about spelling and punctuation (and skeptical that such skills matter).

*Hostile to anything that is not directly relevant to their career goals, which are vaguely understood.

*Increasingly interested in the social and athletic above the academic, while "needing" to receive very high grades.

*Not really embarrassed at their lack of knowledge and skills.

*Certain that any academic failure is the fault of the professor rather than the student.

About half of the concerns I've listed — punctuation, plagiarism, argumentation, evaluation of evidence — can be effectively addressed in the classroom. But the other half make it increasingly difficult to do so without considerable institutional support: small classes, high standards, and full-time faculty members who are backed by the administration.

Well, this writer has summed up, impressively, most of the aspects of teaching at the undergraduate level (and, for that matter, studying alongside a particularly cohort of "peers" on the graduate level not too many years ago) that have most peeved me.

--Prunella

Writer, Heal Thyself

Yes, we all know about my little obsession with punctuation, especially apostrophes, so I won’t go on yet another rant. All I want to mention right now is a sign I saw not long ago. It was advertising a new writing group and it said something along these lines:

“Writer’s, come share you’re work! This is a new writing workshop and its for fiction, poetry, and non-fiction.”

These are writers??

--Curly

Foreignnameaphobia

A peeve related to some of my earlier name complaints is expecting people with “foreign” names to Anglicize their names.

I once sat in on a class that had many Chinese students. The professor said to the Chinese people in the class that he would never be able to remember or pronounce their names, so if they didn’t already use an English name (as many of them do in fact do), they ought to pick one. I found that offensive. There were also Greek, French, Spanish, Polish, Russian, and other “foreign” people in that class, but somehow he could manage their names. I always make a point of asking Chinese people for their actual names and I call them that, unless they really insist that they prefer the English name, and many have said they appreciate that I give them the option of using their original names.

As someone who has repeatedly had my own name messed up by mispronunciations and/or nasty or teasing remarks, I have sympathy for people with “difficult” names. However, if we all had patience and made a little effort, we shouldn’t have to force people to use names that are not their own, even if they are easier.

--Curly

Can’t Eat That!

I have complained here before about people not understanding what vegetarians eat (or don’t eat, to be more precise). But now I want to complain about people making fun of what vegetarians eat.

Awhile back, I was in a small shop that specializes in fair trade and organic goods. While not all of their items are vegetarian, a significant portion is, and I was standing in the chilled foods section, studying such products, looking for something to eat for lunch. Along came some college-age guys and began mocking the vegetarian items, which they could clearly see that I was considering. “Vegetarian pie? Vegetarian “meat” pasty? Vegetarian Scotch egg? Who would eat this crap?” one wondered, touching the packages. “Disgusting!” another proclaimed. They looked at me curiously, as though trying to figure out what kind of a person would eat vegetarian goods.

Why criticize other people’s food choices or make them feel bad about it? What’s the point? If you don’t want to eat something, don’t. But let others decide without your commentary.

--Curly

Conference Paper Peeves

I suspect my comrade Curly will concur with at least some of the points made in this post that reveals what can tick certain people off when they attend academic conferences. I know they resonated for me!

--Prunella

Ugly Americans

As you may have noticed, Prunella's been somewhat AWOL lately. The truth is, she (I) went abroad, an experience which has provided ample posting potential!

Let's start with a couple of observations on etiquette. Or, to be more precise, LACK of etiquette, on the part of Americans visiting another country. Still wondering why people from other countries "hate us"? Maybe these two observations, made within five minutes in the lobby of a French hotel, will enlighten you.

First, as I listened to two American women (evidently waiting for a shuttle to pick them up to take them back to the airport), I was horrified to watch one of them remove her shoes and place her bare feet on the lobby sofa. Disgusting.

Then, I watched as an American college student arrived in the lobby, apparently straight from her flight across the Atlantic. What did she do once she set down her bags? She unzipped a compartment, removed some anti-perspirant/deodorant, and proceeded to apply said item to her armpits right at the main lobby desk!

Then again, I'm not sure why I should have expected any better, since the minute I stepped off the plane into the French airport the American woman walking directly behind me began complaining to her companion about "how ugly this airport is."

What an ironic choice of adjective!

--Prunella

;-)

Many of us use those silly little smiley faces in emails. Sometimes they are useful when you really want to make your emotions clear (for example, if you are teasing someone and don’t want him/her to take offense). But these expressions truly do not belong in professional emails. I believe they should be saved for emails between friends or relatives.

I have been surprised when people have, for example, written to accept an article I wrote or wanted to let me know about a conference, and then used a smiley face in that message. To be honest, it actually makes me respect the person a little less or not find him/her as professional as I would have otherwise. In my opinion, smiley faces should be kept in their informal, casual place.

--Curly

Pick a Nick

I have mentioned some of my name peeves earlier. Despite all the peeve stuff for my own name, I have to admit that I call some people by nicknames that they haven't chosen! They haven’t protested, but perhaps they just haven’t told me how they feel.

Shortening names and using nicknames – sure, this seems friendly and familiar, but it can be too much, especially if the person hasn’t agreed to the name. I am not saying you need to ask about every nickname, but if someone introduces himself as Jonathan or herself as Jennifer, you may not just want to assume that you can call them Jon and Jenny. Some people prefer their full names or find nicknames distancing rather than intimate.

--Curly

The United States of the Americas

I must admit that I find the name United States of America quite odd (wouldn’t just United States do as well?), as I also dislike the term of identification “American”. It is easy to forget that America is not just one country and that in fact there is North America, Central America, and South America. Aren’t Canadians, Mexicans, Peruvians, Columbians, Brazilians, and everyone else on the American continents also Americans? Why has the U.S. usurped the term?

This article discusses the name “America” but doesn’t address my peeve. I wish there were some better term to describe people from the U.S. Clearly, one can not go around and say “I am a United Statsian” or some equivalent of that. But there must be some way to refer to citizens of the U.S. without implicitly rejecting or excluding all the other people who are technically Americans, too.

--Curly

Bad Names for Products

Recent products I've actually seen: Retardex and Negroid.

I am sure there are good reasons for these names; I just can't figure out what they are!

--Curly

Mom Always Said, Don't Play Ball in the [Apartment] House!

Here I sit, typing away, working on various projects. I know my friend Curly is probably wondering what's happened to me. Am I living a peeve-free existence? Worry not, Curly and companion readers! Here is a peeve posted in real time.

Here I sit, typing away, seated at my desk in my little apartment. Outside, in the hallway, my neighbor is playing ball with his son. Again. Smack. Thwack. Bump. Sounds like kickball to me, despite the fact that there's no room in the hallway for such a diversion.

Don't they recall Carol Brady's admonition not to play ball in the house? Don't they realize that just because they leave their own apartment they are still in a house? An apartment house? Where other people live (and work)?

It's noisy, and it's rude, and it peeves me.

(Yes, I've opened my apartment door and kindly asked them to quiet down--once. But all that seemed to accomplish is having them turn the corner to the other part of the hall. I still hear you, guys!)

--Prunella

Matters of Address

If you don’t know what gender a person is, why do most people assume male? I constantly get emails addresses to Dear Mr. or Dear Sir. Why not Dear Sir/Madam? Or Dear M. Surname (to create that French je ne sais quoi in an email)? Or even Dear First name Surname (though I must admit I dislike this one)?

And while I’m on the topic, what’s with referring to women as Miss? To my eyes, that seems like something for young women, while Ms. should be used once a female is no longer a teen. It feels offensive to called women Miss, especially as there is no equivalent term for younger males.

--Curly

Remove Me From Your List

We all know how annoying spam is. But what I also find annoying is when people add you to their personal mailing lists and then regularly send out advertisements or mass messages. For example, sometimes I have met people at academic conferences and exchanged business cards with them. Then without asking me, they automatically add me to their lists and I start getting newsletters from them or publicity information about their latest books or, even worse, updates on their private lives. My irritation increases when such people don’t even have the courtesy to use blind carbon-copy (BCC). That means that they show all the email addresses they send their messages to and that in turn means that recipients can use those mass emails to phish for more addresses to send their own emails too. In other words, suddenly you can find yourself on a bunch of lists that you never wanted to join.

--Curly

Double Ewww

I was interested to see this article, which combines my two Ewww posts (see here and here), while also mentioning another icky news story, about incest.

--Curly

Testing Your Alertness

I was at the pharmacy and I noticed an expensive product that lets you test whether your alcoholic drink has had a drug added to it. I couldn’t help finding this product quite odd. For one thing, if you are alert (read: sober) enough to think that perhaps you should test your drink, then wouldn’t you have been able to pay attention to see if someone was doing something to your glass that s/he shouldn’t have been? And secondly, this product was so expensive that for a quarter of the price, you could just buy a fresh drink. Granted, adding “rape drugs” to drinks is a serious problem, but if you are concerned enough to buy this test, couldn’t you just make an effort to watch what’s going on?

--Curly

Another Ewww...

This is another simply icky article. Muslim women who are expected to be virgins when they marry are getting surgery to repair their hymens. Sometimes, as with that article on Christian purity balls, I just don’t understand what is with religious people.

--Curly

The Peeved Elitists

I liked this article and I have a suspicion my peeved pal Pru will, too. It’s anti-anti-elitism and the point is that in some respects, there is nothing wrong with being elite or have elite goals. Here is a quoted section from the article, by Susan Jacoby:

“It is past time to retire the sliming of elite knowledge and education from public discourse. Do we want mediocre schools or the best education for our children? If we need an operation, do we want an ordinary surgeon or the best, most elite surgeon available?

America was never imagined as a democracy of dumbness. The Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were written by an elite group of leaders, and although their dream was limited to white men, it held the seeds of a future in which anyone might aspire to the highest — let us say it out loud, elite — level of achievement.”

But this issue doesn’t apply only the U.S. Anti-elitism is spreading and it’s time we do something about it. If it isn’t too elite of me to say that!

--Curly

If You'll Be Late, You Should Update

Here's another post directed to literary editors and publishers. Time and again, I've entered writing contests with the understanding that the contest results should be made public by such-and-such date. Then, such-and-such date rolls around, and no information is available. The entrants haven't been notified, and when they check the contest Web site, all they see is the same outdated information. If results will be delayed--ESPECIALLY for a fee-charging contest--the least the administrators can do is update the Web site with that information, and a new target date for notification. Bonus for said administrators: avoiding those e-mails from time-sensitive entrants like me.

Similarly, for weeks verging on months I've been awaiting a May 31 publication date for an online publication's new issue release. That's because some of my work is included in that issue. Well, May 31 has come and gone, and there's nothing new on the site. There's certainly no news about the delay.

And that peeves me.

--Prunella

Start the Show Already

I rarely go to the movies, but not long ago, I went to see a show. First, however, I had to sit through thirty minutes – yes, thirty minutes – of advertisements. Then there were previews for an additional fifteen minutes. I don’t mind the previews; they’re like mini-movies and they also show me what other films I might want to see. But the ads were ridiculous, selling everything from cars (no fewer than four different brands were advertised within half an hour) to cellular phones, from food to DVD-rental services. Is this necessary? Am I paying all this money – and movies are overpriced, in my opinion – to watch commercials?

--Curly

Ranting Podcasters

Oh my goodness! Here are two podcasters who share a lot of interests with me and Prunella. Their names are Grammar Girl and Modern Manners Guy. Their partners at Quick and Dirty Podcasts include Money Girl, Mighty Mommy, Legal Lad, Traveling Avatar, Get-it-Done Guy, Sales Guy, Small Biz Tech Girl, and Make-it-Green Girl. Most of them don’t have to do with peeves and rants (and I resent the use of the word “girl” for the female podcasters), but it is definitely a site worth checking out.

--Curly

A Rose by Any Other Name

I have a name problem. Actually, I have several name problems.

1) My name is one that many people find difficult. They constantly mispronounce it or call me by a word that sounds like my name but is not actually my name.

2) I have many different nicknames and some people will only use a certain one while others won’t use one at all. So I have to remember who calls me what and how to refer to myself when signing letters or emails or when introducing myself when I make phone calls.

3) I share a last name with someone who is fairly well known, and I am frequently referred to by his first name, despite the fact that it is a name only for men and I am female. This frequently happens in emails, where my name is clearly shown in the “from” field and in my signature. When I reply to such people using my correct name, many of them tend to call me by the wrong name yet again when they write me back.

4) My name can be for both men or women and people always feel the urge to point that out, as though I didn’t already know that. Some snicker about it and ask if my parents were trying to be “politically correct” or if they really wanted a male child. I don’t find their comments amusing.

Why is it so hard to accept people’s names and to refer to them as they want to be referred to? Naturally, one can be curious about what a name means or where it comes from, but is it necessary to make comments? And can’t we try to pay attention to what people’s names are so we use the correct one?

--Curly

Down with Typos!

Here's a crusade after Curly's own heart: the Typo Eradication Advancement League, as profiled in the Chicago Tribune. (Thanks to the New York Times Lede blog for the tip.)

--Prunella

Ewww....

This is beyond creepy. I've heard about purity balls before, but this article really made me realize how gross they are.

Fathers pledge to protect their daughters' purity? Um, what? It is great for fathers (and mothers, of course) to be involved in their children's lives, but this seems to be going too far. Why is this personal decision (about whether to remain abstinent) made into a familial event and so publicly, too? And if it is going to be a family occasion, why aren't the mothers involved and not just the fathers? And what about sons? Is it okay for them to have sex before marriage? And why is premarital sex considered so bad anyway?

One girl interviewed wants to hear that her father finds her beautiful. I think feeling that you are loved for who you are is more important than knowing if your parents think you are attractive. And talking with your parents about your sex life (or lack thereof) just seems unnecessary and, well, gross.

--Curly

Time Keeps On Slipping

People so often don’t recognize or value the time or effort other people’s jobs take, nor do they often see the importance of other people’s work. For example, some time back, a customer asked me to edit a book. I’ve been editing books for close to a dozen years now, so I do have some experience looking over a text and judging how much time it will take and how much work is required.

The book had around 60,000 words, so it wasn’t terribly long. But I do have many other customers, so I couldn’t begin right away. However, I was told this was a rush job. How much of a rush, I asked? Well, the project was first mentioned to me on a Sunday and the next day, which happened to be my birthday, was when I was told that the editing needed to be finished by, well, Tuesday. In other words, the publisher wanted a book edited in a day.

I didn’t tell them that I wasn’t working on my birthday. Instead, I politely explained that there was no way that this was possible (even if it hadn’t been my birthday, I wouldn’t have agreed to the job) and that I hoped they would find someone else. In the end, they decided to skip the editing process, because they were so anxious to get the book out. The book has now been published, but I haven’t had the time to look at it, to see what the language is like. If they couldn’t spend the time (and money) to make sure the book was as good as possible, I can’t waste my time to check it out now.

--Curly

Whining About Libraries Again

I have complained here before about behavior in libraries. So I sympathized with how difficult it must be to work in the British Library now, as described in this article.

--Curly

Keep Your Shirt On

As the weather warms up, I appreciate the fact that people want to wear fewer items of clothing. People pull their shorts, skirts, and tank tops from the closet and slip on flip-flops. Fine.

But why, why, why do so many men feel the need to go shirtless? I don't mean on the beach or while playing soccer in a park. I mean walking around the city, going into restaurants, visiting people, and so on. And far be it for me to criticize other people's bodies, but most of these men are rather, ahem, rotund, and frequently sweaty as well. Sometimes their shorts are hanging so low that going topless makes much more than their chests visible, too (let's just say that the old plumber's line is way more than I need to see). Is it too much effort for them to keep their shirts on?

And not only that, but recently, I saw a man walking down the street in sandals and his boxer shorts! It isn't that hot!

Please, keep cool, but have some sense of modesty and decency too!

--Curly

Information, Please!

Dear Correspondent:

Yes, we've corresponded before--we might even be considered friends of a sort--and so I am therefore perfectly willing to consider your most recent request to post a link to your new story/poem/essay/interview/commentary on my blog.

But please, can you make it just a tad easier for me to do you this favor?

Yes, you're quite right to give me the title of the ezine or blog that has published your magnum opus. But, my dear correspondent, you haven't quite gone far enough.

So, as I told you in my last response, I would appreciate some additional information. Specifically, I would like you to send an actual link I can click on to see the piece myself. Then I can paste the link into my own post, too. Just so you know: I'm much more likely to post something you send me than something you tell me to look up on my own.

Similarly, and just to avoid the problem we encountered the last time this situation came up, I am not asking for a link to the blog/ezine's home page so that I can then search for your work myself. I am asking for a direct link to your work.

Am I asking for too much?


Sincerely,

Prunella Peeve

Eau de Achoo

One of our loyal readers once mentioned something that peeved her – the perfume samples often included in magazines. It is true that the samples come in sealed paper, but often the smell leaks out anyway. As my friend points out, this can really bother people who are sensitive or allergic to smells.

I am not sure what would be a better solution, though. How can perfume-makers market their goods without offering samples? Still, I agree that it can be very annoying to have to deal with stinky paper, especially if it makes you sneeze or otherwise bothers you.

--Curly

Where the Customer Is By No Means King

Of all places for customer service to be an establishment's evident lowest priority, why must a pharmacy rank so "well"? I mean, why is it that a place you often visit when you are feeling pretty awful (as I was today), has the most indifferent (better than rude, I suppose), and apparently utterly untrained staff? I have a hard time tolerating incompetence when I'm at my best; when I'm ill, watch out!

Today's pharmacy visit also peeved me since it came on the heels of the usual frustrations at another place of importance--the post office--and just a couple of days following a visit I could no longer postpone to the copy shop. Writers depend on functioning post offices and copy shops, and unfortunately, those in my neighborhood don't quite meet the standards of the ones I frequented (oh-so-fortunately, I now realize) in my last hometown.

What a powerful combo for a rant--a bad post office, a bad pharmacy, and a bad copy shop.

--Prunella

I Heart Apostrophes

I have found a ranter after my own heart! Well, that is, when my heart is focused on apostrophes, as it certainly has been on this blog before. Check out the Apostrophe Abuse blog. I love that there has been a blog dedicated to this "orthographic pet peeve" for three years.

--Curly

Poor Pussy, Poor Pussy Cat

About two weeks ago, I posted about expanding our vocabularies. Words that people misuse and abuse include "gay" and "retarded", in my opinion. Well, one word that I left off that list was "pussy" and I didn't mention it in that post because I thought it seemed to be going out of fashion a bit, luckily. To my dismay, however, I have repeatedly heard that word used since that post, so I am now adding it to the Do Not Use list.

We all know that most people are not referring to a cat with the word "pussy". Instead, they are referring to a woman's genitals, which in turn they are using for something weak or disgusting or ridiculous. "Don't be a pussy," I hear people say, or "He's such a pussy, that wimp." Why does a woman and her body stand for something negative? Why not reclaim it as a positive word (or not use it at all)?

So I'll be a pussy and say we need to seriously consider and improve our use of language.

--Curly

Know Your Audience

Since I manage a group of writing-related resources, including a blog and a newsletter, I'm often asked to post information for others.

Trouble is, too often I'm contacted by people who haven't bothered to check the content of said blog and newsletter. If they'd done their homework and actually looked at the blog or the newsletter, they'd know that the person they're addressing is unlikely to advertise their expensive conferences, or to spread the word about their publication that pays only in copies.

But they haven't bothered to get to know their audience (some admit as much when I write back to them explaining why I can't help them out--one person recently confessed that she'd never seen the blog or newsletter but had been given my e-mail address by someone else). So they've wasted their time, and they've wasted my time. And they've peeved me.

--Prunella Peeve

Anti-Social Libraries

At the moment, I am sitting in a small public library. The woman next to me is coughing loudly, practically hacking out her lungs, and making me wonder what germs she might be passing on to me. Meanwhile, someone's cell phone is playing an annoying tune over and over again, while another woman is talking into her cell phone. And other people are chatting, while still others violently slam books and CDs down on tables.

I always thought libraries were supposed to be quiet, peaceful places, but over the past few years, I've been dismayed by the anti-social and impolite behaviors that have been cropping up. But, then, I am a curmudgeon.

Shhh!


--Curly

Sexy Girls

What is with young girls wearing make-up, high heels, and sexy clothes? I know I am not the first person to notice this or to be disturbed by it, and I wonder why the trend continues.

Recent observations: a girl around eight years old wearing a short skirt and high-heeled boots, just like her mother; teenagers in shirts barely covering their breasts, which were encased in push-up bras, while their faces were smeared with foundation, eyeshadow, and lipstick; a girl around thirteen or so who bent over, giving everyone a glimpse of her see-through lacy white thong; and girls between the ages of ten and fifteen wearing t-shirts with pictures of cherries or the Playboy emblem, or with words such as "Slut" or "Bitch".

Is it really attractive to dress young girls up like this? Personally, I find it worrisome and ridiculous, not sexy. Females have plenty of time to be provocative, so why must they start so early?

--Curly

Let's Expand Our Vocabularies: On Bias in Adjectives

I find it disrespectful and, of course, rant-worthy when people use words such as "gay" or "retarded" as negative terms of disparagement. As in, "Oh, that's so gay!" Or, "How retarded can you be?"

It isn't just young people who don't know better (though, incidentally, I am suspicious of the phrase "don't know better", since if someone doesn't know any better, why not teach him/her?) -- no, I hear people of all ages using "gay" and "retarded" as synonyms for "stupid" or "ridiculous" or "unlikeable", seemingly without giving a thought to what they are really saying. And what they are saying is that there is something wrong in being gay or in having some sort of disability.

True, words do change in meaning over time. But why do we have to take words such as "gay" and "retarded" and make them pejorative? Doing so reveals our own biases, and this says something pretty sad about our society today. I think it's stupid and depressing when we use these words in this way, but it's certainly not "gay" or "retarded".

--Curly

No Cause for Celebration

On April 4 The New York Times reported: "About a third of the nation’s eighth-grade students, and roughly a quarter of its high school seniors, are proficient writers, according to nationwide test results released Thursday."

Before I had time to stop sighing over that depressing information, I read further:

Though some experts questioned whether the writing test, which requires students to compose only brief essays in a short time, was an accurate measure of their ability, officials of the government’s testing program said they were encouraged by the results.

“I am happy to report, paraphrasing Mark Twain, that the death of writing has been greatly exaggerated,” said Amanda P. Avallone, an eighth-grade English teacher who is vice chairwoman of the board that oversees the testing program, the National Assessment of Educational Progress, known as “the nation’s report card.

Are you kidding me? These are "encouraging" results? When three-quarters of graduating seniors can't write?

Unfortunately, I had no time to craft a letter to the Times editors myself. Thankfully, at least one other reader was equally peeved. His letter appeared in yesterday's paper.

--Prunella

The United Polish Emirates

This isn't really a rant so much as an expression of befuddlement.

The other day, I walked past a small grocery store called "Asia Market". I assumed (perhaps naturally) that the store would sell foods from China or Thailand or other east Asian countries. So imagine my surprise when I saw a sign outside the store advertising the selection of "Kurdish, Turkish, Arab, and Polish" products. The first three I could understand, though I'd think that a name such as "Arab Market" would make more sense. But as for the last one, well, since when is Poland part of the Arab world, not to mention Asia? How does Polish food fit in to the Asia Market?

Must be those world-famous pierogi kebabs!

--Curly

The Toilet Brush

I have posted here before about the hair that gives me my nom de peeve. As I wrote then, it can be nice when people tell me how jealous they are of my curls or how good my hair looks. But I didn't mentioned the darker side of the story -- the nasty comments.

I know that people tend to tease others when they are themselves insecure. But that doesn't necessarily help me feel better when others mock me. Over the years, I'm been told that my hair looks like a toilet brush, a Brillo pad, a wig, Harpo Marx, a broom, and much more. I've been told that I resemble a sheep, because of the curly hair and the big nose. Sometimes (okay, most of the time) these comments have hurt. Sometimes (okay, rarely) I've been able to brush them off.

I currently live in a medium-sized city that is not really that diverse. As a result, I guess I stick out somewhat. I've had men running after me on the street, laughing and shouting at me, "Afro! Afro!" (I was tempted to tell them that my hair is a Jewfro, not an Afro.) And today, several young women starting screaming at me, "Poodle curls! Poodle curls!" They also referred to me as a cunt, but I guess that's beside the point here.

Again, I am aware that the problem is with these people and not really with my hair. Nevertheless, I wonder what makes them act this way. I never yell at random people on the street and I try not to hurt people's feelings or make critical remarks about their looks. So why do other people?

--Curly (who sometimes can feel like a toilet brush, dealing with all sorts of shit in life)

I Enjoy Being a…Woman

I am woman (hear me rant!) and I strongly resent being called a “girl”.

Males are not referred to as boys when they are in their late teens and older, but females are still called girls. In part, this is because there is no good female equivalent of “guy” (no, “chick” doesn’t count), but it also stems from issues of power. Women, even those in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, or even older than that, are still seen as weak “girls” who need to be helped or who are looked down on. Have you ever heard a twenty-five-year-old or a forty-year-old man referred to as a “boy”? Think about why that doesn’t happen.

Some females are guilty of this too – they might say “I’m friends with a girl who…” or “So I was chatting with this girl…” and yet be referring to someone in her twenties or thirties. I don’t like when they do that (and I have a tendency to speak up about it). I, too, have done it at times as well. But I have now trained myself to show more respect to my fellow women and not talk to or about them as though they are still children. I wish others would consider this as well, especially all those people who claim that this is “just semantics” and that it is inoffensive to use the term “girl” for an adult woman.

Rodgers and Hammerstein had it wrong – I do not enjoy being a girl. I am too old for that. But I do enjoy being a woman.

--Curly

Bad Writing Advice

I receive (as I suspect Curly does) a number of writing-related e-newsletters. I appreciate the resources they offer in terms of markets and manuscript calls. Sometimes, I appreciate the articles as well.

Unfortunately, more often than seems reasonable, I find articles--articles that are supposedly meant to instruct and advise writers on how to go about various aspects of writing and publishing--filled with bad advice.

Such an article arrived in my e-mailbox a few days ago. Its premise: that "reviews are one of the best and quickest ways to gain visibility, expand my portfolio, and make money from writing, for the least amount of time and effort."

Huh? I'll acknowledge that reviews can help gain visibility and expand one's portfolio. Definitely. But the process is rarely "quick." And in my experience, not to mention that of others I know (want to chime in here, Curly?), reviewing is by no means among "the best and quickest ways" to make money from writing, especially considering the amount of time and effort required!

For the amount of time and effort I put into to identifying review possibilities, requesting review copies, reading and then re-reading the book (I'm primarily a book reviewer rather than someone who reviews restaurants, videos, or music), and THEN writing the review AND reviewing the galley when it's sent back to me, the job is about as far from "quick and easy"--or lucrative--as one can imagine.

Maybe the article's author is just a much faster reader than I am. Maybe she's simply not as much of a perfectionist, and can complete the selection, evaluation, and writing up of a product for review in, as she suggests, a mere two hours or so. Maybe for her, reviews really "are not labor intensive." But that's certainly not my review style or experience, and again, it does not correspond with what I know to be the style or experience of many other reviewers.

I worry not only that this kind of "advice" is misleading (at one point, the article also implies that writers can easily place reviews of used books--again, huh?), but that it will prove harmful. Because I worry that sloppy advice will lead to sloppy writing.

And I'm peeved when such "advice" gets promulgated (not to mention paid for!).

--Prunella

The Happy Face of Apostrophes

Anyone who knows me knows that I have a slight obsession with apostrophes. I've posted about them here before, but in my opinion, you can never have enough posts about apostrophes!

Recently, I was at a bus station in the center of the city where I live. I noticed a new sign advertising a route with frequent trips to the local university. The sign featured a big happy face and this happy face was wearing a mortarboard. Our supposedly-educated happy face was directly under large words that read: "Departure's to the university." Yes, of course, it should have read: "Departures to the university." So much for education!

Personally, I feel that the happy face should have its diploma taken away from it and that it should be blushing in shame, not smiling like an idiot!

--Curly

Primo Peeve: Plagiarism

As Curly knows, plagiarism is one of my chief peeves. I am really, really, really ticked off by people who appropriate others' research and writing without any attribution whatsoever. What peeves me more is that we actually need rants like this one (which I originally found on the JournalismJobs.com Web site) to draw attention to the problem.

--Prunella

Table for One

I have never been the kind of person who minds going out to eat by myself. Sometimes, I rather enjoy it. What I don't enjoy, however, is the treatment that lone eaters can get from some restaurants or servers. They can act like people who are alone aren't worthy of a good table or of good service, or they can even seem to pity us.

Last night, I went out to eat at a restaurant and was told that there are no tables for one person. All single eaters have to eat at the bar. There were, I noticed, plenty of free tables for two people, but I suppose the restaurant thought it was a waste to give those tables to people who were alone.

Ah, well, I thought, I'll eat at the bar. The menu was the same, after all. Well, the service at the bar was awful. I had to practically beg to get the menu, and when I asked to order, the man behind the bar looked at me and said, "What is it you want?" And then, of course, there is the fact that bar stools are not exactly comfortable to sit on and that there is no support for one's back.

When I left, I noticed that those tables for two were still free, and that there were soft chairs set up at them. Why would it have been so awful for this restaurant to let me and the other lone eaters enjoy the comforts of an actual table? I was a paying customer, so why did it matter if I was alone?

--Curly

Is Prunella M.I.A.?

No, I haven't gone fishing, but none of my peeves are publishable right now. I'm essentially ticked off most frequently and profoundly these days by the words and actions of someone in my personal life, and while it might well be cathartic to post here about the situation, I know that that's not a good idea. Trust me, it won't be long before I find something rantworthy in writing, publishing, etc. to get myself back on the blogging track!

--Prunella

Inspired by Janus: Two Faces of Friendship

I may sound naive, but I don't quite understand why some people act one way towards their friends (or even partners or relatives) at one point and then another way later. I wish there were more honesty and/or that people didn't pretend quite so much.

Recently, I was out with someone. I happened to mention something (it wasn't a big deal, really, but still...) and she showed a lot of understanding for it. Not an hour later, we met up with other people and suddenly she brought up the issue again and mocked me for it, making me look bad. It wasn't the first time she did this, and it certainly wasn't the first time in my life I experienced such an event, but it was nevertheless hurtful and disappointing.

Sometimes I wonder: what is with people?

--Curly

The List of Don'ts for Sharing an Office

For those who share an office with others, it seems to me that people should follow common sense and try not to disturb their office-mates. This means: don't talk on the phone a lot, don't have other people over for social visits (or, if you do, go into the hallway or some other public space), don't play noisy games on your computer, don't use your cell phone to text people so that each letter you press becomes a chirping beep, don't use Skype to have long discussions with your relatives or friends in other countries, don't eat smelly food, and don't expect your office-mates to chat with you whenever you need a break or feel like having some conversation.

Doesn't all this seem obvious? Well, in my office, it apparently isn't. 'Nuff said about that.

--Curly

Feeling Moved

My post today is less of a rant and more of a whine. I just want to say that the whole moving process -- seeing tons of possible new homes and finding something wrong with most of them, eventually picking a new place to live, getting a credit check and hoping they won't find something unexpected in your background (such as that you are a wanted felon, but had no idea of that fact), signing contracts, sorting through your stuff, packing it all up and watching the mountain of boxes grow to shocking sizes, carefully wrapping delicate items, worrying that said delicate items will break anyway, feeling guilt at how much you own (and how much of that you never actually use), hiring a moving company, feeling guilt at hiring other people to lift your heavy furniture and boxes and therefore trying to lift things yourself and thereby getting back pain, travelling to the new home, feeling stressed out about how much unpacking and organizing you now have to do, wondering how long it will take you to get settled in the new place and how many times you will reach for a light switch that isn't there or stumble over a step until you have gotten accustomed to the layout, and so on -- isn't much fun.

--Curly

The Classroom is Not a Democracy

I love these paragraphs in a new Poets & Writers article billed as "A Rant Against Creative Writing Classes":

This is a good time to mention a criticism that I’ve received not once, not twice, but several times on teaching evaluations: “The problem with Professor Barden is that he acts like he knows so much more about writing than we do.”

That could be the whole essay right there, don’t you think?

Part of the problem is a populist idea of democracy, a sacred cow in the academy, as elsewhere: We are all equals in our pursuit of literature; everyone has something to offer. One teacher friend of mine whose opinion I solicited on this topic said of his students, “They still teach me as much as I teach them.” What do they teach you, exactly? How to fall in love stupidly or that you should drink a lot of water during a rave?

In one memorable workshop, I spent a fair amount of time teasing out from my students the difference between a “master,” which was the degree that I had, and a “bachelor,” which was the degree that they didn’t yet have. Oddly enough, several students have expressed gratitude for that particular rant.

I'm grateful, too. It validates my own feelings too often in my own experience as a college-level teacher (not just in writing classes). But yes, it affirms some feelings I've had about writing workshops, too.

Read the entire article here.

--Prunella

Lazy Questioners and the Questions they Pose

Here's something (else) that irks me on discussion boards/listservs: lazy questioners and the questions they pose.

On one academically-oriented writing listserv I subscribe to, someone recently posted a question asking if anyone had the contact information for Professor/Writer A at University B. The query included both the professor/writer's full name and the professor/writer's current university affiliation.

Well, no. I didn't have that information offhand. But surfing over to the university's site, and searching its directory for the professor/writer's name, I found it easily. The original poster could have done the very same thing, and I can't believe s/he didn't realize this beforehand.

I wonder if anyone will, indeed, "backchannel" the original poster with the information I found. I hate to reveal my peevishness and say that I'm more inclined to hope someone simply tips the poster off to this not-so-amazing investigative tool to assist future queries.

--Prunella Peeve

Peeves Profiled on NPR

Apparently I missed a very relevant segment on National Public Radio (NPR) earlier today: "That (Annoying!) Thing You Do." I hope to find 16 minutes and 46 seconds to listen to the recording soon. Meantime, I've enjoyed some of the links I've found on the NPR site, including this one to an online discussion on peeves and this one to a Web site all about peeves (imagine that!).

--Prunella

Shut the BEEEEP Up!

I have trouble sleeping and I need whatever sleep I can manage to get. That's why I was very annoyed in the middle of the night when a loud car alarm woke me up. At first, I tried to ignore it and fall asleep again, because I thought it would end very shortly. But the owner of the car did not seem to hear it, which meant that the alarm continued for a very, very long time.

Beep beep beep beep beep. Short pause. Beep beep beep beep beep. Short pause. Beep beep beep beep beep. Short pause. Beep beep beep beep beep. Short pause. Beep beep beep beep beep. Short pause. Beep beep beep beep beep.

You get the idea.

What is the point of having a car alarm if you aren't going to be nearby when it goes off? And why do people never seem to be nearby when their car alarms start ringing? And why does this generally happen in the middle of the night?

As for me, I put in some ear plugs, wrapped a blanket around my head, and snuggled under the comforter. I could still hear the infernal beeping, though, and it kept me awake for a long time.

Beep beep beep beep beep!

--Curly

What Part of “Vegetarian” Don’t You Understand?

I’ve been a vegetarian for years (okay, I am a pescatarian and not a real vegetarian, since I sometimes eat fish, but anyway…) and most people who know me are aware of this. So why don’t people understand that being a vegetarian means that I don’t eat meat?

During a recent illness, people constantly suggested that I have chicken soup with matzoh balls. I like matzoh balls, but I will only have them in a vegetable broth. When I reminded those caring friends and relatives that chicken soup was not quite what the doctor ordered for this vegetarian, I was repeatedly told, “But it doesn’t count as chicken soup if it’s just chicken broth, does it?” Or “What if I pick the pieces of chicken out for you?” No, sorry, that’s still chicken soup!

At other times, I’ve been offered ham, liver pâté, and beef, among other meats, even after I’ve politely turned down these items because I don’t eat them. I’ve been told, “Liver isn’t real meat, so you can eat it on a sandwich!” And I’ve been asked, “Don’t vegetarians eat ham?”

So, just to clear up any confusion, no, vegetarians do NOT eat meat. Anything that came from an animal counts as meat and while I am not a proselytizing vegetarian and therefore won’t bother those of you who succumb to meat’s charms, I make the choice not to eat meat and I would like to see more understanding and respect for this decision.

--Curly

Pick Up the Phone!

Granted, I applied to graduate school in the days before people became accustomed to obtaining life-affecting guidance from strangers on internet discussion boards. But somehow, I think that if I were going through the application process today (say, for an MFA), and I had a question about a program's application guidelines (and/or financial aid application guidelines), I wouldn't rely on advice I solicited from random discussion board participants (who might or might not even deign to answer my query).

Rather, I'd follow one of these two not-so-complicated strategies: 1) I'd e-mail the relevant program directly, or 2) I'd telephone the relevant program directly. Call me crazy, but I believe in going to the source. I say as much when I see these questions posted online. But some very lazy people apparently just skip right over my advice, and issue their questions anew. So all that's left for me to say is that I'm just glad that I'm not going to be studying with (or, for that matter, trying to teach) these unmotivated, unresourceful people.

--Prunella

AWPeeve

Always happy to see others take up the ranting cause. Back in the literary realm, you can find some peeves related to the recent Association of Writers and Writing Programs (AWP) conference extravaganza in New York City posted over on the Ploughshares blog. Specific peeves listed there so far include "ridiculous panel descriptions" and "repetition in panel concepts." Hopefully more writers will chime in soon!

--Prunella

A Foggy Day

I was out driving yesterday in very foggy, somewhat rainy/damp weather. It was so foggy you couldn't see even half a block in front of you. Street signs and stoplights appeared quite suddenly, so one had to drive carefully and slowly. However, many people did not even have their headlights on, which made it impossible to see their cars. Not to mention the fact that where I was driving, there is a law that if you are going to have your windshield wipers on, the headlights must be on, and the dampness required wipers. I wish people would be more careful and observant, because I am sure some accidents could have been avoided if only drivers had put on their headlights.

--Curly

Shhhhhh!

Libraries are, as far as I know, supposed to be quiet places where people can read and work. So why are some people so loud in libraries? Why are cell phones allowed? Why are some libraries even building cafes where patrons can eat and chat? I guess libraries want to be accommodating, since fewer people go there these days, but a library, in my opinion, is not a place for socializing or loud talking. So please let your fellow library-patrons read or work in peace. Shhh!

--Curly

RSVP

Granted, Prunella is not the most social animal. But every once in a rare while she does host gatherings--parties, even.

She puts a lot of thought into her guest lists. And it saddens--nay, it peeves her--when les invités fail to observe the ever-courteous RSVP included with their invitations.

Which part of répondez, s'il vous plaît do they not understand?

Respond, please.

Please?

--Prunella

Pray to the Lilac Bush

I have several peeves about religious people and I'm sure at some point I'll be posting on more of them, but for now I'll mention a basic one: the feeling that everyone has to believe in some sort of higher power. That is simply not true, but many people seem to have trouble reflecting on a godless existence (because to them, such a life is without meaning, hope, knowledge, happiness, and morals, an idea, I might point out, that is completely erroneous).

A couple of weeks ago, I was having a discussion with someone about the role of god in some of the difficulties she has been encountering in her life over the past year or so. She said how helpful it was to her to feel there was a higher power looking out for her and supporting her. I accept that she feels that way and I am happy she feels she has this support. However, she said to me, "I don't care what religion you are, everyone believes in a god. It can be the traditional Christian or Jewish god, Buddha, Muhammad, or...or..." She paused as she struggled to find more examples and then she looked outside the window. "Or a tree or a lilac bush!"

A lilac bush is a higher power?

She knows I am an atheist, but the idea doesn't make any sense to her. She again insisted, "Everyone believes in something. Everyone believes in a power greater than themselves." Well, yes, I never said that I thought I was the greatest power in the universe or that I knew everything. That is not what it means to be an atheist, but so many people are confused about what an atheist really is that they end up insisting that atheism is just not possible or sensible.

Let me state for the record that I don't believe in any higher power, whether it is a god or a lilac bush!

--Curly

What Do You Want? Information!

Recently, I was a "prisoner" on a long bus ride. The bus was delayed by quite a bit. I guess this was because of the rainy weather, but I had no way of knowing for sure, because the bus driver didn't see fit to tell the passengers what was causing the delay or when he thought we would reach the destination.

I mentioned this to someone I know, who then told me how she was at a concert a couple of months ago and the singer was over an hour late. The restless audience was kept waiting, but was not given any information about where the singer was and when she might appear. A similar story was repeated by others of my acquaintance, whether they were waiting for concerts, doctors' appointments, or meetings.

It would only take a moment to give people information, and often it would be very helpful. It can be stressful for those who need to make a connecting journey or are waiting to see someone to not know what is happening and when they can expect to arrive (or for others to arrive). A little information can go a long way!

--Curly

One Space or Two?

I can't say this peeve ranks too highly on my own list of rant-worthy items, but according to The Renegade Writer blog, at least one editor is driven to distraction by a writerly faux pas: inserting two spaces after periods. Read all about it here.

--Prunella

Try and Learn Better English

It is a constant source of annoyance to this grammar geek how people write or say “try and…” It doesn’t make any sense to say “I’m going to try and finish that project today” or “She said she’d try and come to the party.” It should be “try to,” as in “I’m going to try to finish that project today” or “She said she’d try to come to the party.” When the “and” replaces the “to” it makes the meaning of the sentence “she is going to try” and “she is going to come to the party.” But what is it that she going to try?

I understand (to some extent) if this is part of colloquial spoken language. However, I see this usage more frequently in novels and articles today, and arguably, writers should know better.

So, please, try and improve!

--Curly

Another Weather-Related Peeve

Curly's most recent, winter weather-related post got me thinking. I'm sure we'll have plenty of warm-weather rants when the season arrives, but right now, as I type, the skin on one of my fingers has cracked open once again.

That's right--it's time for Prunella's seasonal skin disorder. It's bad enough that all my skin is even drier and itchier in the winter than at any other time of year. It's worse that the skin on one of my fingers routinely splits open and bleeds, leaving a lovely, semipermanent red fissure conveniently located across one knuckle.

During a period in my life when I was living in Paris, a local pharmacist took one look and cleared her throat knowingly. "Une crevasse," she told me, and quickly dispensed a magic soothing ointment.

Which helped. Trouble is, I didn't stock up before I left France, and at this point, with the same section of the same finger cracking open once again, the pitiful lotions I have here don't do the job. It's not serious enough (yet) to warrant a doctor's visit. (A trip to Paris, on the other hand....) Anyone have any home remedy suggestions?

--Prunella